What do you want in life…


  Question:

My partner and I have been together for four years and he recently broke off our relationship (for the second time in four years) He feels that he is not happy and not ready to settle down. I currently live in Abu Dhabi in the Middle East and although there are a lot of people to meet (I think) im very worried that I won’t find someone (later when Im ready and recovered) to start a family with. I’m am a 32 year old western woman living in a Muslim society. I love my job and I don’t want to leave this country. I’m terrified that I would never find love or ever have a family. I have recently asked myself what I really want in a relationship. All I want in a man is a trusted loyal friend who makes me laugh and share the same values and moral core as I do. I wouldn’t mind finding someone who can treat me like a lady and get me flowers now and then. That would really make me happy. I feel scared and alone now. Im going to have to move out of our shared apartment and find a new place to live but what really scares me is that I will end up alone and never have children. Please can you help me with some advice on my situation – I need some help in thinking healthy again.
Thank you hope to hear from you soon.
 

Answer:

I think you shouldn’t just be asking what you want in a relationship. I think you should be asking what you want in life. When you make choices you know they have consequences. So you are now faced with some choices. If you keep your job then you recognize that not finding a husband is a potential consequence. Yet, if you move to somewhere else then your chances of finding another guy increases possibly. People face these kinds of choices every day. You have heard the phrase “you want to have your cake and eat it to.” Ultimately once you make the choice you have to live with it. I can’t make the choice for you it is something that you will have to do and it will be difficult probably. Now, in regards to the guy. I think what you found is that you weren’t direct enough with him. Playing house was fun for him up to a point. As soon as you knew he wasn’t ready to settle down you should have moved on. When you have plans that don’t match up with your partner, it makes no sense to stay with them. Maybe you thought you could convince him or something? I think that with the next guy you should be very direct on what your intentions are in dating. If you aren’t then you risk again dating and being broken up with and then you are back in the same boat.

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