I’m not sure what to say about this podcast. If you listen and don’t laugh please come back here to complain. We talk about shy bladder syndrome…enough said…
http://headshrinkinc.podbean.com/2013/05/13/dont-go-number-1-next-to-me-please/
Dr. Dave
If you don’t know by now I have a lot of children. When I take them out in public I am usually very conscious of how they act. Unfortunately many parents are not. This often leads parents to “parent in public” Should they do this or should he lessons at home suffice. Listen if you have a moment and weigh in.
Parenting in Public..good or bad?
| QUESTION:
I feel my mother inlaw is manipulating and a bully. She says little comments all the time that are negative especially when she doesn’t get here own way. I put up with her until I had my children and she was pushing to be over involved. I had difficulty having children and eventually had IVF twins so they were very. very precious me. I told her she was hurting me with her comments and actions, but she showed no remorse. My husband has never had a good relationship with her either so I am very lucky he is totally on my side. However I still feel guilty and it is putting a strain on our marriage. We are estranged from them now. We live in Australia and my family lives in the US, and I would love to have them close to us. So now I am wanting to move back to the US, but husband will not go as it is too cold and says he will feel like I do here. I don’t want to ever have a relationship with my mother in law, I wish I could get over the hurt she has caused, but all I want to do is get away. If I stay my husband says we won’t have to have anything to do with her, but I can see it causing problems in the future. My husband and I fight alot as there is resentment and he thinks I will eventually move anyways, so we always feel like we are just treading water. Everything has just made me want to have my family close all that much more and go back home. I am scared, will I be able to forget my MIL if I stay and get past it or should I just move home and get on with my life? My husband will not give me any hassles with taking the children. |
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| ANSWER:
So you are letting your MIL win? This is most likely what she wants. She wants her son all to herself and you are making it easy. What is best for your children is that you stay with your husband and ignore your MIL. If you, as you say, value your children you will work things out with your husband and not put so much emotional value in what your MIL says. I’m not clear why you happen to value what she says to you if it is so negative. Perhaps your self-esteem has been bruised? Regardless, your goal is to raise healthy happy children not focus on an irritating MIL. So limit contact with her and get on with your marriage and life. You don’t need to move half a world away to do this. Dr. David |
| QUESTION:
I am almost 25 and my husband is 26. We have been married for about a year and a half. I have always noticed that he has some anger issues but his anger was never really directed at me until a few weeks before we got married. I thought it was just the stress of planning the wedding and the fact that our son had passed away about 5 months prior. The anger never went away though. It increased. No matter what I did it wasn’t enough. Everything I said was cause to start a screaming match or he would just be “working” for 12-20 hrs a day only to come home and sleep for 12-14 hrs. A couple weeks before our first anniversary he was drinking and wanted me to walk across the street to get him a pack of cigarettes and just as I was about to get up, he suddenly was choking me. I won’t go through all the details, but the next morning I had bruises on my wrists and my back and neck were swollen and red and I had trouble walking because he had popped my hip out of place. I don’t know why I didn’t leave after that. I suppose I just believed his apologies and promises to get help. Three months later, after a concert where we were both drinking, I woke up in my bed barely able to move with bruises and cuts all over me and shattered glass in my bed and broken furniture everywhere. Those have been the two worst incidents. There have been many other instances of him putting me down, calling me names, telling me I’m crazy and that it is all my fault, telling me I am a whore because he knows I identify as bisexual, ect. Recently he has gone through counseling and we have started going to church. The counseling, though, was a court order because he got a DWI and I don’t feel his willingness to go to church is a sincere attempt to change his life through rebuilding his faith. It feels as if it is just an attempt to keep me around by making me believe that he really is changing. I’m not sure I even love him anymore. I think I am just pretending that things are ok because I’m afraid of what will happen, emotionally as well as physically, if I don’t. So, my question is: Will the physical abuse happen again? Has he changed? Am I being foolish to hold onto this marriage? I truly appreciate your help and advice. |
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| ANSWER:
I am sorry about the loss of your child. That kind of stress brings people to do crazy things. They often can’t manage relationships because of the hurt that they can’t make go away. I will suggest a few things. I think drinking of any sort should leave your life. It’s obvious that drinking turns into violence. You don’t need it and if it makes things better then why not get rid of it. I would also suggest you fully embrace the counseling and church experience. Both places are there to help you become a better person. The better you become the better you will feel. Now, these are things that you can’t force upon your husband. I do believe from your description he is depressed and is using alcohol to manage the depression (unsuccessfully). If he changes nothing the abuse will stay. What you described is a crime and you didn’t report it as such because you have emotions involved. Focus on changing yourself and protecting yourself. He may see that he has to actually change or lose you in the long run. Dr. David |
| QUESTION:
Things between my boyfriend and I have gotten pretty bad lately. He broke up with me about four weeks ago, and we got back together after only three days. It was completely out of the blue, and was exactly one week after we had sex for the first time. We’d already fooled around and stuff before hand, but now, after getting back with him, I don’t know if I still love him. I mean, I’m still incredibly sexually attracted to him, and ever time we were together, we’d end up fooling around. We decided to put sex on hold for a while. I am still attracted to him, but I don’t know if I love him. We’ve been together 5 months so I wonder is it just the honeymoon period fading away? We’ve talked about it a few times, how confused I am. And we’ve now decided to completely stop our sexual relationship, we are still going to be exclusive to each other, and kiss and stuff, but we’re not going to fool around or anything, just for a few weeks, until I figure this out. I don’t want the only reason I’m with him to be the sexual fulfillment. We’re both 17, and if we were to break up I’d want us to remain good friends, and he wants the same, but I’m afraid it mightn’t be possible. I know I’d miss him if I broke up with him. I love the hugging, the kissing, the security, I love everything about him, his smile, his smell, his touch. I love him. But I don’t know if I’m IN love with him. Is this reasonable after what happened? Should I give it a little more time and let myself fall again? I know he loves me. He’d do anything to make me happy and he says he will wait for me until I fall in love again. Do you think its possible for me to be happy again? |
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| ANSWER:
This isn’t love it’s more about hormones and lust. I think you nailed it when you stated that you love the “security”. That boils it down to what is going on with you. So this is much more about you and issues you have related to insecurity than anything else. I’m not sure what your home life is like, but if it isn’t the greatest then you should deal with that before you get involved in a relationship to solve pain in your life. If you do this then you will have more relationships that start out great, but then tend to get troubling. If you do this a lot then you get into a pattern that will be hard to break out of. While this guy might be great, life is about you making sure you are okay. If you are not then you need to talk to someone about family challenges. To ignore them now will be to invite years of bad choices. Dr. Dave |
| QUESTION:David – I’m the father of a 17 year old son – he’s the 4th child with 3 older (over-achiever) sisters – until about 14-15 he was very active athletically – then decided to quit – he’s a gifted athlete & at 6’4″, 200 lbs could play any varsity sport, he’s a beautiful child and I’ve had tutors say he may be the smartest of the four children – he’s always been on the quiet side, and as the fourth child has blended in – but the last few years he doesn’t seem to do anything beyond the minimum – his grades have dropped for lack of any effort, and he spends most of his non-school time sleeping, or on the couch or watching sports and playing video games – he’s not rude, or disrespectful when asked direct questions, has expressed no interest in getting his drivers license – I have the equivalent of two jobs and my wife has been home with the children for the last 20+ years – It’s breaking my heart to see him just slide through high school with no apparent friends, or socialization – he starts his senior year this month – we’ve ruled out depression but I’m at my wits end ? Any ideas – thoughts ? Thanks !!! | |
| ANSWER:There is something going on that you aren’t aware of. If what you describe is accurate then it isn’t normal to simply “drop of the map of life” for no reason. You may need to take him in for an assessment. There may be unknown drug use going on or even some physical problem happening that no one is aware of. He may need a challenge of some sort in his life. If you rule out everything else then you as a father should start challenging him to rise to the occasion. It’s different for every family, but maybe you have something in mind. Go on an extended hiking trip…skydiving…rock-climbing etc…
David |
I understand that the above title is not true. I think there should be some serious consideration to it being added as a mental health disorder. It’s been about a week and a half since the Boston bombings. We talk about our thoughts related to what we saw and heard. We also talk about racial profiling and the tension that exists in our society.
