|QUESTION: I have been happily married to my husband for almost 10 years. From the beginning, I have had issues with my mother in law in which no one (except my family) seems to think is a concern. She is very manipulative, argumentative and verbally abusive via emails. I have shown these to my husband and he said to just ignore it and all will be fine in a few days.
Recently, she blamed me for not giving her movie ideas that cost $5 or $10 for my husband for Christmas. I thought of it after the fact but she told me way back in November she was doing gift cards so there was no reason for me to give her ideas. She was mad that I had already bought all the movies. The one that my husband did want was $25 and she refused to spend that much (but ended up getting it anyway).
She sent me emails saying that I can keep any present I bought for her and that if I gave it to her, she would embarrase me and give it back. She ONLY wanted a gift card. I don’t know what is right to do. I have had enough of this hidden abuse. I had a talk with my husband that I had enough and will no longer answer the phone when she calls, respond to any emails, participate in outings, and if she is around I will walk the dog or be busy.
With Christmas coming, I also said I will not be going over to her place. Can you give me some advice. You cannot talk to this woman at all as it is all or nothing with her. The most basic conversation always turns into an argument where she must be right or she stomps her feet and walks away like a toddler.
Any advise for me on how to handle her now that I put my foot down but she doesn’t know yet? Additional important information would be that my husband will stand up to his boss and just give it to him but won’t stand up to me with his mother. I told him to get a spine/backbone and stand up for his wife.
It’s because you married a momma’s boy. He is not willing to go against his mother for some reason or another. If what you say is true, I think it is totally appropriate to take actions to protect yourself. I would suggest you clearly give information to your husband about what you intend to do. You need to frame it in terms that it is about protecting you and ultimately to protect the relationship with your husband. If he is not willing to protect you then someone needs to.