lust or love?


QUESTION:

Hey David, ive been at a crossroad for a little bit now and could use some helpful advice. I ma a college student and i met my current girlfriend about four months ago in school. We have come to love each other and be happy with each other without many problems at all. Our relationship is great up unitl this point ive been feeling hurt from what had happened about a week and a half ago.

I have always worried about her going and partying because i always had this bad feeling that she would do something with another guy or find someone else. I expressed how i felt to her and we talked about it and she assured me that would never happen. So about a week and a half ago she went over to her friends dorm and hung out. i tried calling her to talk to her about christmas break plans but she didnt pick up. i texted her a few times and left it at that. She later called me and asked if i was still up at 2 AM and wanted to see me. I met her in the lobby to my dorms ad she went on to talk about how she couldnt be wit hme because she couldnt handle a relationship right now. I told her i could step back or do anything to help her figure things out but she couldnt do it. After parting for a day i had gotten a text if she could come see me again. She came to me crying telling me she was drunk and went to some guys room. She told me that they kissed and she told him she cant do it and left to come see me and tell me because she felt so bad. We talked and agreed to get back together and to take it slow. Idk how i felt about her kissing another guy after the day she told me that she couldnt be with me.

She said she didnt know what she was doing because she was drunk. since then christmas break has hit and i will be away from her for a month. We are video chatting everyday to say intouch during break. I truly love her but idk if i can trust her because she kissed a dude a night after telling me she couldnt be with me! I feel that shes going to do it again. i talked to my mom about it and she was surprised. she told me its like when someone cheats that theyll always be a cheater. I treat her as best as i can and give her all the love i can everyday. We are happy together but since then idk how i feel about trusting her. It bothers me a ton when i think she could do that after what ive done and sacrificed for her. I really want to talk to her about it but idk what to say to her. Idk what to do and it kills me. It make me think “how could she love me if she could do that”? I am sorry for the long question but i could just use some advice.

 

ANSWER:

I think you have love confused with lust or hormones. After four months in my opinion this isn’t really love. You may care a great deal about her, but you are still getting to know her. Dating is about gathering information. I think you have gathered a great deal of information in the last few weeks. Now what do you do with the information. You can continue on in the relationship or not. Trust is a really important thing. If you find over and over that this trust thing is getting in the way then you are going to need to make a choice to move on. If you continue to let your emotions be in control then you are going to feel very horrible in this relationship. At some point you are going to need make a decision. I get that you care for her deeply, but she may not care as deeply for you as evidenced by her behavior. Pay attention to it.

Doc David

http://www.DavidSimonsen.net

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