Time to be a parent…

Question: Dr Simonsen, I read some texts on my 14 year old daughters phone about how shes taking or wanting to get birth control pills.I dont agree with allowing that at age 14 so dont give me the “better let her take the pill vs pregant “lecture. She has a supervised innocent relationship with a well behaved and respectful 16 year old boy. I jumped to conclusions assuming they were having sex or planning to and I called his mom to let her know.
My daughter says that she wanted the pills for her acne but never took them and never intended to have sex with the boy. Now my daughter is so upset by this she is crying nonstop and hates me for this.
I feel like our relationship is ruined. Im a single parent and she is my only child. I dont want to lose her. What can I do or say now? Please Help.
Answer: You may need to do things radically different in the relationship with your daughter. What you have written above let’s me know that you and your daughter don’t have a very close relationship. I think she should know that you are ALWAYS going to go through the phone that you pay for and are lending her. I think she should know that you are ALWAYS going to go into her bedroom that she is borrowing from you for a small amount of time. I think you have let that fact that you are single-parent allow you to parent in a less than effective way. I would suggest you stop worrying about the feelings and focus more on her behavior and helping her through these challenging teen years. If you were close it seems that she would have gotten your help in obtaining these pills. If she didn’t then maybe she was wanting them to prevent a pregnancy. Only you would really know.

Doc David


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