Feelings come and go…


Question:

Hi, my name is ******, I’m 20 years old. I’ve recently come out of a 3 year relationship, things weren’t working out & we decided to end it. We went on holiday to Cuba in June & it was our first holiday together, the best holiday for me. I met someone out there, Carlos, really fell head over heels for him, now I know that sounds bad as I was holiday with my boyfriend, I never cheated on my boyfriend but there was one night in Cuba where Carlos asked me out, told me he had feelings for me after we’d spent most of the holiday together & got to know each other, he tried it on with me & I said no & the bad thing is I have regretted it every since. Me & Carlos has been in touch since I got home from Cuba (he lives there by the way). The day we left Cuba I was in bits, obviously my boyfriend didn’t know why, Cuba is a special place to me, I’ve been 6 times & I love it there so I was upset to leave but the thought of not seeing Carlos was heartbraking. I’ve not been able to stop thinking about him ever since I left the hotel to this day. It sounds so sad but I think I could be in love with him. I’ve been asking loads of my friends if they would like to go to Cuba with me next year but no one if up for it & I’m so tempted to go on my own, is that sad? Carlos is constantly on my mind, even when I was with my boyfriend, it’s not since we’ve split up, it was way before too. I miss Carlos so much & everyday I just wish I could jump on a plane & go see him, I know it sounds so stupid but I genually do really like him to the point where I feel like I could be in love. You’re probably going to think, stupid young, naive girl but I can’t help how I feel about him. We do keep in touch but it’s heartbraking not been able to speak to him everyday & knowing that I could never see him again. I would love to go back to Cuba anyway, not just for Carlos but he is the main reason I really wanna go back next year & I wish I would dare go on my own but I don’t think I could do it. Please give me some advice on what you think I should do, I really miss him & really want to be able to see him again!

Answer:

You have talked mostly about feelings. Feelings come and go. Think about what you created. You were on vacation. No burdens on you. No work to get up for. School to attend. Family to deal with. Bills to pay. You were in the ideal situation. So now this guy comes onto the scene and woos you. Obviously there were problems in your relationship at the time that this guy was able to take time with you away from your BF. I think you may not have dealt with the impact of your previous 3 year relationship yet. You were a teen when it started and you were acting like a married couple. That has an impact on people. So I would suggest you figure out how that 3 yr. relationship impacted you in negative and positive ways before jumping into a long distance relationship with someone you hardly know.

Doc David
http://www.davidsimonsen.net

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