Don’t make it awkward…


 

QUESTION:

Dear Dr. Simonsen
I am single living in the US Midwest and have been chatting online with a single woman for the past couple years. She lives in the western side of the U.S; she is working and going to college. I never met her before and I am going to her state for a retreat and in the same time to meet with her in July.
She offered to pay for our lunch or dinner together while I am visiting, but I want to pay for both of us instead. I will suggest few places to go to and I will invite her to choose anywhere she likes to go.
This will be the first time for us to meet in person. I will stay in her town one day only. I will have to leave to different city for five day spiritual retreat.
I am reaching 37 years of age and she is reaching 34 years. Both of us were never married before. I feel that I should be thinking seriously about getting married. If there is connection between me and her and if I am interested in her, I am willing to ask her if she like to marry me while I am there before I leave her state and come back to the Midwest. If she accepts marriage, I will leave the Midwest and go stay with her in her location after she finishes her college studies.
If I don’t talk about marriage when I meet her this July, I will go back east and she will stay west. I am not going to open this subject while we both are living in two different states, so I think it will be a good idea to ask her when I meet her. Do you have any comments or suggestions?

 

ANSWER:

It really depends on how well you guys have come to know one another via the online universe. In those conversations has there ever been any mention of something more than simply a platonic relationship? In this visit I would suggest not doing the marriage thing. I would suggest seeing how it goes to relate to her in person. They may be some initial awkwardness and it will be compounded if you simply say “let’s get married”. Once you see her and determine if this is something that could go somewhere, I would say a second trip would then be in order to ask for her hand in marriage. Financially and relationally speaking a second trip after your first trip will potentially save you thousands and a lot of emotional heartache.

Doc David

http://www.davidsimonsen.net

 

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