Attraction is important not shallow…


 

QUESTION:

 

I’ll try to sum this up, recently my fiance and i had a well needed talk where she confirmed what I have been thinking for the longest. She hasnt been able to give me the love she knows shes capable of due to one of her past relationships. Meaning she hsnt been able to love anyone the same or as much as she loved him. Also found out that in addition to this a partial reason shes not as affectionate is because im not her typical type, meaning taller dark and muscular and from the beginnng she struggled with that.  
Now, lets get somethings in the open. I have never had this issue in my life. You would think i am a weird looking obese dude when in fact, im the opposite. im an handsome guy, nice build, not overweight, i can get in the gym and get more cut up i admit, but im no where near sloppy in fact im very active in the gym im there like 3-4 times a week!
So needless to say im crushed, my spirit, confidence and im trying to not question her love for me at this point or if she was ever in love really in the first place. like i really dont know how to feel. but i do know i feel different about her right now, and its scary. i mean ive given her my all, and to know she hasnt is really hurtful. the most positive thing about this though is that all the thoughts and intuition i had about this situation were correct and its good to know im not crazy.
she told me that even though we have hit this hurdle she cant see herself being with anyone else and shes willing to do whatever it takes to make us work. but right now, i cant get past this sting of the hurt im feeling
thanks for listening

 

 

ANSWER:

 Physical attraction is important in a relationship. If she isn’t really attracted to you then you should not be getting married to her. What will happen when someone more attractive shows up that she prefers? You catch my drift. It sounds from your description that she has too much emotional baggage from her past that is preventing her from moving forward. I would not spend much more time with that. Mainly because if you get married and then she gets unhappy, she will have two reasons to leave you. 1. she never really loved you 2. you were never really her type. These will be huge in the future and in my opinion are reasons that you should not continue on in the relationship.

Doc David

www.DavidSimonsen.net

3 thoughts on “Attraction is important not shallow…

  1. Thanks for the Ping!…. I would like to add something to your reply for the man seeking answers. I was in a relationship with the perfect guy. His family loved my family and vice versa, our friends got along, some of them were even best friends with each other, our career paths were similar, everything that was needed in the compatibility charts was at a good overall 90% met. He was the guy that everyone could agree on should be standing next to me on my wedding day saying I love you in front of all our loved ones.. except there was one problem, I could never find myself feeling driven to initiate intimacy. It was always him. He was attractive, charming, good in bed.. but there was a wall between us. I would compare him to past lovers, who were perhaps not the best partners but would inspire that intimate craving for me and I would continue a cycle of disappointment. Remember, it isn’t that there is something wrong with you, but sometimes, the mind searches for something without a compass… and the last thing you want is to settle down “forever” with a person who doesn’t live and breathe right now in the prime of your relationship for you. Everyone deserves to know that their loved one is day dreaming about them somewhere… Do you want to spend your life with someone who had to work on it, to make it work? Or do you want to take a step back and wait for someone who wants to dive into that future with you? I think, despite the current pain, you can see the rewards of allowing yourself to wait for someone who wants you more than anyone else… are worth it.

  2. Pingback: Cryptoquote Spoiler – 09/27/13 | Unclerave's Wordy Weblog

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