Your FIL is kind of a loser…


QUESTION:

 

I don’t know what to do. When I have to visit my in laws, especially my step father in law, I am physically sick. It all started 4 years ago on my first meeting with them before my husband and I got married. We were sitting outside and future step father in law was watering the garden. He started to water his wife and my partner and went to wet me and I wear hearing aids and didn’t want them damaged so I said please don’t wet me because I don’t want my hearing aids damaged. We all had to say that to him several times. I got up to go inside and he comes right up to me and wets me right on my hearing aids! They were drenched! I quickly went inside to see if I could dry them put but they weren’t working. I was so upset. Step father in law proceeded to invite neighbors over for dinner and he was mad at me because I wouldn’t come out and mingle with his guests. I was crying, very upset and can’t hear anything without my hearing aids. He also never apologised for what he had done. To top it off he kicked me out of his house because I embarrassed and snubbed him in front of his friends!!! Now every time I speak to him he says “You’re over that aren’t you, it was a stupid thing for you to get upset over wasn’t it?” Other things he has said to me have hurt me terribly like “Wow what a great pair you are, one’s deaf as a post the other blind as a bat” and he says it in a really nasty way and then laughs. (my husband wears glasses) Another time my partner and I were watching television and my partner puts captions on because it makes it easier for me and step father in law comes into the living room changes the channel and says “and I’m turning off this caption s#*t too”. There are many many more things he’s said. I don’t understand why my husbands family walks on egg shells around him. Step father in law is also awful to my mother in law. He is always snapping and miserable. Up to now this has been a once/twice a year visit as we live 2000kms away and they never make the effort to visit my husband, so it was just us visiting them. My husband and I are moving closer so the buffer zone will go from 2000kms to 100. This has made me consider breaking up with my husband many times. I know I have to just stop seeing my in laws before it affects my health but how do I prepare for the backlash that will come from this? I have told my husband I refuse to go over there anymore and while he understands why, he thinks I should still go over there and grin and bear it. He doesn’t really stick up for me. My brother in law and sister in law think I am over reacting because ‘that is just step father in law’. I feel like my feelings aren’t important to these people. I’m tired of worrying about this anymore. Please help me. What should I do?

ANSWER:

 

You knew your FIL was a jerk prior to marrying your husband and you still decided to marry him. So leaving your husband in my opinion is unfair. I would suggest what you are already doing and stop going there. You may have to once in a while, but I would suggest you simply limit your time and recognize that he is a bit of a loser. Everyone else knows this, it just seems you are the one who knows it, but is unwilling to tolerate it. I would suggest that we all have people in our lives occasionally that irritate us. We have to learn to deal with it. Get a thicker skin and recognize that this isn’t about you. It is about him being a loser. You don’t have to live with him so should be feeling sorry for his wife.

David

www.DocDavid.net

One thought on “Your FIL is kind of a loser…

  1. Pingback: my evil step father – my step father (dearest) | Shorty's Blog

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