Raise Healthy Children…


QUESTION:

I feel my mother inlaw is manipulating and a bully. She says little comments all the time that are negative especially when she doesn’t get here own way. I put up with her until I had my children and she was pushing to be over involved. I had difficulty having children and eventually had IVF twins so they were very. very precious me. I told her she was hurting me with her comments and actions, but she showed no remorse. My husband has never had a good relationship with her either so I am very lucky he is totally on my side. However I still feel guilty and it is putting a strain on our marriage. We are estranged from them now. We live in Australia and my family lives in the US, and I would love to have them close to us. So now I am wanting to move back to the US, but husband will not go as it is too cold and says he will feel like I do here. I don’t want to ever have a relationship with my mother in law, I wish I could get over the hurt she has caused, but all I want to do is get away. If I stay my husband says we won’t have to have anything to do with her, but I can see it causing problems in the future. My husband and I fight alot as there is resentment and he thinks I will eventually move anyways, so we always feel like we are just treading water. Everything has just made me want to have my family close all that much more and go back home. I am scared, will I be able to forget my MIL if I stay and get past it or should I just move home and get on with my life? My husband will not give me any hassles with taking the children.

ANSWER:So you are letting your MIL win? This is most likely what she wants. She wants her son all to herself and you are making it easy. What is best for your children is that you stay with your husband and ignore your MIL. If you, as you say, value your children you will work things out with your husband and not put so much emotional value in what your MIL says. I’m not clear why you happen to value what she says to you if it is so negative. Perhaps your self-esteem has been bruised? Regardless, your goal is to raise healthy happy children not focus on an irritating MIL. So limit contact with her and get on with your marriage and life. You don’t need to move half a world away to do this.

 

———- FOLLOW-UP ———-
Thanks you for your response. I understand what you are saying and agree. That is what annoys me the most is that I let what my MIL says affect me. I hate wasting my time and energy on someone who means nothing to me. The IVF(7 times and 2 loses) was very hard on me and then living so far away from my family is also hard, probably what has effected my self-esteem. My MIL does not want her son all to herself, they have never had a good relationship, he says he hates her more than I do. I can see her ways in him too sometimes and wonder if he is good role model for our children. I want to raise my children in an environment where people respect one another and are happy. I also miss the American way of life and I wonder if I can ever settle in and be truly happy here?

 

I don’t think this has to do with self-esteem. It has to do with choices about life. You made a choice to be where you are and to have kids. To take kids away from their father would not be a good choice in my opinion. Don’t let the outside noise (MIL) distract you from what your focus is. It’s to be a good mother and great wife. Make the decision to stay and put that behind you. Change focus to make living where you are living be the best experience ever.

David

www.docdavid.net

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