YOU are the “other woman”…


QUESTION:

My husband and I have been married for a couple months now.  He has an ex wife and 3 kids from that marraige.  He has been divorced 9 years and has dated seriously before me.  She has never dated(if that matters) Since I have been around his family they have made it VERY clear they love this woman and that she is  “part of the family”.  I felt I was comfortable with myself and our relationship and had no problem at first.  Since the begingin it has been very uncomfortable.  Whispers with her in the corner and people not talking to me much at all.  In the begining I would go out of my way and try, talk and be involved. Thinking if I could be normal they would come around.  Over time I realize this woman has voiced opinions of us and says she needs time. Well..  there is no occasion she is not at birthdays, babtisms of new neices (of mine) yet they call her auntie.  Holidays and oh my husbands birthday.  Note:  They do not get along very well.  He would rather she not there. Finally she was invited on family vacation.  It was so hard on us that I finally pulled the mom aside.  I confessed how uncomfortable it was and I didnt want her or anyone to feel I dint want to grow close with the family but my fiance(at the times) ex wife is ALWAYS in the room and we hadnt grown a relationship yet. That it would be nice to get to know her and everyone without her always there.  Not to replace her but maybe have my own time at least at first.  She said it will all work out!  I also spoke to a sibling who told me she will always be around deal with it.    A few months went by and nothing hs changed.  We are married now (she was not invited – only due to her not reconizing no good luck no congratulations nothing)  and now like old times at family events Im invisible!  No how was the honeymoon? (god forbid since she is in the room) or beautiful wedding.  I try to talk but its weird she is sittig right there always.  Again uncomfortable and I have to start over with everyone again like I am new.  I had enough.  I knocked on her door and said clearly we are both in this family and will forever.  Lets try to form some sort of relationship for us, the family and the kids.   She said no. That to be in a family doesnt mean we have to be close.   So the end of this is.  My husband has had it.   I am his wife and told his mother that she can invite anyone she wants over her house but if his ex wife is there we are not coming.   The Truth: I am so happy about this My fear: I know I will get the back lash and now my hopes of being part of this family is over my question is asisde from what you can read.  I feel like she has hijacked his family from him.  Is it wrong of us at this point to seperate the family?   ps we are trying to concieve our own child

ANSWER:

Choices have consequences. Your husband made a choice and brought his whole family along for the ride. Because he chose to get off doesn’t mean that the rest of the family has to get off as well. You have forgotten a huge thing and it’s a bit outrageous in my opinion. No where have you mentioned what is best for the kids in the situation. What is best for the kids is that their mom stays connected with them and the rest of the family. You are the “other woman”. Just because your husband moved on doesn’t mean everyone else has to. They have lives outside of yours and they will continue to live it. I think your husband said what he said to his mom because you bitched at him so much. If you had simply said nothing and recognized that she has a place in this family he most likely would have never made an ultimatum. So now what to do? I think you need to stop with the belly aching and start working on relationships. Ask your MIL to coffee she won’t bring the ex. Stop talking to family about the EX it will always get back to her. I think it is wrong of you to separate from this family. It is not in the best interest of this kids. They have had NO choice in all this. If you focus on them you will see your way clear to do the right thing. If you continue to focus on yourself nothing will ever be peaceful in this family.

P.S. Stop trying to conceive a child. There are already hurt kids in your relationship, no sense in bringing in more.

David

http://www.help4life.net

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