This isn’t about a room rental…


QUESTION:

 

For the past few weeks I have been actively planning my daughters first birthday however was having difficulty nailing down the guest list.  With immediate family only our number was at 31. Our house could definitely not accommodate 31 people – so we were torn on what to do….not have a party at all? Cut out some of our family and risk them getting upset they weren’t included in her day?  Well at the same time I was planning my daughters bday party, my sister-in-law was planning my niece’s 4th birthday party which is November 18 (my daughters is October 13).  This past Tuesday my sister-in-law found a small room at a local hall that was extremely affordable and could accommodate up to 50 people – she booked it for November.  I joked with my mom and husband that if I booked that hall all my problems would be solved as we could have all our family plus a few of my daughters “friends” come.  My husband said it sounded good and encouraged me to go and have a look at it.  That same day I went to view the room – it was very plain but the perfect size and best of all – all the pre and post party cleaning was included!  I booked the room on the spot.  Well the next day I found out that my brother and and sister-in-law were disappointed with me that I did not ask for their permission to book that room since they had booked it first for my niece’s party.  They said I was disrespectful and inconsiderate and that I “took the wind out of their sails”.  Well I immediately cancelled the room and had to completely change plans 3 weeks before my daughters first birthday.  I then emailed my brother to let him know that I didn’t intend to upset anyone and that there was “no hard feelings”.  However they still continue to be upset with me as this whole thing has gotten out of hand. It has caused a huge rift in the family  where no one is  speaking. In fact they would not attend my daughters (their goddaughters) first birthday. Finally my questions are- Should I have asked for their permission before booking the room?  Was I disrespectful?  How do we fix this now?  It’s driving me crazy and has caused a huge riff in my family.  Thanks and sorry for the long post!

ANSWER:

I don’t think you should have asked to rent this room. It seems to me that this is not really about a room rental. I wonder if there is something more that has been going on and the room rental is just an excuse to deal with the underlying issues. It seems that having a huge family rift over the simple use of a rental room is a bit extreme. What’s done is done and if people are unwilling to except apologies and move on then I think there is not going to be much you can do. I would attempt to discern what is really going on rather than simply think it’s all due to a room you rented.

David

http://www.help4life.net

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