Alcohol is NOT your friend…



Its been six weeks since my wife said she wants a separation. It’s notn really a separation though, she sometimes sleeps at home and also we have kids so there is a lot of neccessary communication. She grew up in a household with an alcoholic and I  wasn’t sensitive to that fact as I’ve been a regular drinker. We’ve been married  for 7 years and have stuck together through a lot. She was in a terrible car accident early on and we had to go through years of surgeries to her face to repair the damage. Next was my dui accident I was hurt pretty bad for the short term, but I was back on my feet in about a month. We dealt with the ongoing legal and financial burden over the next year or so during which I entered an apprenticeship and began what has been thus far a lasting career. Plenty of alcohol related antics since, but nothing so dramatic as the accident? During this time we built our own house where she was the contractor and I provided most of the labor. Now she is in school full time for her nursing degree, which has done nothing but drive us apart as she has been too busy to give me much attention. So, amidst an argument she announces that she wants to be separated. Alcohol has been a problem and she says she just isnt happy anymore. This is just about the totality of  the insight she has given me into where her head is at. She avoids conversation about our marriage. She won’t commit to working on our marriage or to divorce. Her plan is to take the next six months to figure out what she wants to do.
I’ve sent her poetry, wrote her letters, text messages, etc. I try to tell her regularly that I love  her even though she gives no response. I try to initiate positive conversation. I’ve also tried to approach this from a friend angle, but she tries hard to avoid spending time with me.
What am I supposed to do about being kept in the dark about her intentions? Other than being off the booze for this whole separation, how do I begin to repair the damage? It’s hard to be patient in the face of rejection, do I just wait out the next four and a half months? The kids- 10,5 still don’t know what’s going on. What should we tell them? How do I protect my kids from being crushed if she won’t come back home? In the time alone I’ve done a lot of thinking and I’m ready to start changing the things I’ve been doing wrong and fix the things that are broken, but I cant work on these things by myself. What do I do?


You need to make a life change to completely remove alcohol from your life. It has gotten you to this place you are at now. You need to do it not for your wife or marriage, but for you. I think much of your bad behavior was fueled by alcohol in some way. This is what you should do first. I would even suggest you start attending and alcohol support group. You need to radically change you outlook on life. You wife wants to see this radical change not only with your drinking, but in how you treat the kids and her. Poetry is nice, but it’s just words and talk is cheap. It may be too late, but it’s not too late to change YOUR life.




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