Own up to your bad choices…


I’m in a bad situation and really need some advice. I was dating someone I was in love with and starting to consider a future with. He felt the same way. Slowly, though, things started to change. I cant exactly put my finger on what we would argue about- nothing that was ever that big of a deal. We are both very emotional people and I think our conflicts would just escalate under certain conditions (being tired etc). We also did a lot of communicating via text/email and that didnt help the situation. He is a very impulsive person and actually broke into my house once because I told him I didnt want to see him. When angry, he can be mean and at times I have been a little scared. But it usually dies down really quickly. Anyway, just recently I found out I was pregnant. I was leaning toward abortion at first because our relationship is new and we have been having these problems. He was anti-abortion before we met. I told him I was pregnant and expressed my feelings and that whole day he was texting me and telling me how sorry he was, how sad he was, how he had been crying all day. We talked that evening and he was thinking of all the ways we could work together to make our situation better so that we could keep the baby. I thought about it and suggested that we put the decision on the backburner and focus on making our relationship better right now. I suggested counseling and he agreed. If we could even do that, then we could discuss keeping the baby. We were both happy with this plan and spent a nice weekend together.

I had to go pick up some medicine on Sunday morning and he stayed at my house. While I was gone, he looked through the pictures on my computer and saw pics of me and past boyfriends. By the time I got home, he had completely changed his mind and 100% wanted the abortion. We argued, I asked him to leave. Since then, his mind has not changed about the abortion, he has broken up with me and has also told me that he “never loved me, doesnt love me and never will love me”. He blocked me on facebook and has now blocked my email address. We arent teenagers- I am 31!

I dont even know what to ask about the above- I am simply in shock and heartbroken. He has made it clear he wont be here for me or the baby. If you have any insight into his behavior, I would love to hear it. Or anything encouraging. The main question i have is, does he have any responsibility to help financially before the baby is born?


You point out that you are 31, yet you got pregnant with an emotionally abusive man like a teenager would. So own up to some of your own poor choices before you point out his. You are in a difficult situation no doubt. You need to consult with an attorney about his owing child support I imagine he will owe it though. What I would suggest is that if you keep this baby you consider adopting it out. It will be unfair to the child to not have a father figure in it’s life and if it does have one this guy will be unstable. Everything you describe about him is unstable. The second thing I would suggest is that you seek out some therapy to figure out how to get a bit more emotionally stable in your own life. You and he obviously weren’t good for one another, but you kept going back to him. At some point you need to determine what is best for you and he wasn’t. If you don’t get things figured out then he will be your friend again and you will get back together with him and this emotional roller coaster will happen all over again.



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