Deathbed promises are probably not wise…


My husband and I have a toddler and a infant as well as my teen son(previous marriage) living with us. He has two boys that live with his ex wife that he pays support to. My husband has a good job and I am a stay at home mom(which is what we both want). A year ago his father passed away, on his death bed he made my husband promise to take care of his mother and brother. His mom is on pension his brother(10yrs older) does drugs and is too lazy to work.  His mom lives on a large lake property that had a 60k morgage on it. She couldn’t afford it so my husband started making the monthly payments. It cut into our budget but I believe that when family truly need help you help. On top the mortgage my hubby would also give misc money to his mom and brother. This was putting stress on me as each month at least one of our bills would go unpaid. 3 months ago we found out that his mother had received an 80k settlement tax free just after his dad died. Instead of paying her morgage off and bills. She and her oldest son blew it on gambling and drugs(pills) while still taking money from us monthly when we needed it. My husband was angry said no more money for them. She was very upset saying she had no money to live and that shed have to sell her 500k place. My husband said go ahead. She traded in her car for a brand new truck with a bigger monthly bill. 3 months later my husband is back paying the morgue plus giving her an additional few hundred. I’ve since found out that she also took an additional 80k out on a mortgage in the last year that she wasted away. I’ve spoken to my husband on a few occasions about how giving our money to her and his brother while they are wasting it upsets me. Specially when our kids need it. He says she needs it and he promised his dad. I don’t know what to do I have frustration resentment and anger building inside me.


I can see how you would be very frustrated. In my opinion any promise made by your husband to his father was based on the current situation. If the father was still alive none of this stuff would be going on most likely. So at some point reality needs to set in. If one takes this “promise” to it’s logical conclusion it means your husband is willing to go into bankruptcy to support his mother’s foolish decisions. I highly doubt his father would expect that or even meant for that to happen. While he may have loved his father he made a promise based on reasonable behavior. Your MIL is conducting herself in a very unreasonable manner. He should have a clear conversation with her about what he is going to provide. Find what is reasonable and give her a monthly stipend. There are social services she can take advantage of if need be. You family should not suffer because of your MIL’s foolishness. If your husband is not willing to change his behavior in regards to his mother then it may be a dealbreaker for you. David


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