I am a 56 year old married woman with two grown sons and now am a grandmother. I have had a problem with comments made to me or about me from my mother in law for several years now. She has been widowed well over 10 to 15 years now. When comments are made to me or about me, I don’t know how to reply am dumb founded as to why they are made. She always want to be the center of attention in any gathering. She is a talker but not a listener. Maybe she just does not think about her impact when she says these things. I don’t want to be around her and when I get invites I hesitate to attend. I don’t answer the phone when I see she calls because I don’t want to talk to her. Her comments are usually judging and critical about my physical appearance our house or our hobby cat breeding. Comments are hurtful I had and have had a weight problem on and off several years. I let my hair go grey. I have been told I was very above average appearance when I was younger so I can’t be all that unattractive now, I am happy with who I am and happy with my home and my life. It is not as if I am not aware of any weight issues etc. I love our home it is cosy and I love breeding and showing Himalayan cats. Our home is not new it’s about 50 years old and she made a comment that it is a knock down and that hurt. It is our first home and we have lived there ten years. She is quite aggressive controlling and domineering. How should I approach this when these comments are made and why do you suppose she says these things? I am sure many people have this problem would love to have the skills to handle this.
I would imagine that given her age and widow status she is unhappy. Thus, she wants to make sure others are unhappy around her. I think you are not going to be able to change her by any means, but you will be able to control yourself. I think ignoring calls etc.. is the smart thing to do. When you are around her just prepare yourself for the negativity. Counter it with positivity. Don’t let her win out. If you worry too much about what she says then you will stay in a negative place. It sounds as if you are content with your situation so don’t put so much stock into the false things that she says to you.