Hello. I need some advice. I have been with my boyfriend for 2yrs now, it has been on and off because of certain issues e.g. he dated one of my close friends, he was unemployed for a while, he is 11yrs older than me…We were going well but now I am unsure again and I dont know if its me being indecisive or that there is some actual merit to it. Last night we were at a party and he tends to act stupid sometimes, acting like a showman and what not…I have told him this bothers me and he tries to change it but he actually does not see when he is acting stupid or dumb, its him- I cant change that. There are also other things that bother me- he isnt very good in terms of finances, I’d have to start working A LOT when I finish college to be able to marry him, even though he is 11yrs older than me, Im scared that by the time we have kids he will be too old, he still lives at home with a overprotective mother and he suffers from bipolar (I have never seen him depressed or manic but he tends to get very excitable about things and it tires me out at times). Thing is, he is head over heels for me, he would do anything for me and has expressed his love for me from the start. I can trust him with my life, safe to say. I can tell him anything. Is this more important for a relationship to work than all the concerns I have listed? And why am I having these doubts? Why cant I just let go and let him love me and he love me? Sometimes I feel like we will always be together but other times Im unsure about our relationship. Am I analyzing it too much?
There are so many red flags in this relationship that all I can see is red. You can do MUCH better than this. Let’s just say this…Love is not enough… It feels great I’m sure, but there are so many other essentials to a relationship. These thoughts you are having are actually good. You are thinking about the future. What will happen when you have kids…what if he never gets a job…what is the relationship with his mother going to be like. These are the most important questions and the answers you keep finding to them are not causing you comfort. You have the information you need to know that while he may love you, he is not a good match for you. Once you move on it will hurt yet you will survive. Find someone who is more compatible for you and doesn’t raise as many red flags.