“…but I love him…” even though there are red flags everywhere…


Alright, I’m probably over analyzing the situation. We were drinking (I was drunk, he was only buzzed). We were lying together in bed and kissing. Suddenly, he tells me, “I think I love you. I’m basically completely yours. What do I have to do make you mine for forever?”

I was actually pretty drunk and goofy at that point, so I just kissed him and made some joke about one day owning a goat or a cat, and making sure to always have good oral hygiene. (I’m anal retentive about my teeth.)

We haven’t mentioned it since and I’m pretty sure that he thinks that I don’t even remember it. We’ve only been together for a few months and I think that it didn’t help matters that we had been drinking. This was three days ago. I just don’t know what to think about this.

The truth of the matter is that I’m not that experienced with relationships. I’m 22, but am a late bloomer. I had one boyfriend in high school and that’s it. I mean, this guy is even the first person that I’ve ever been with. He’s someone that I care about a great deal and maybe one day can see myself ending up with, but this all seems too fast.

He’s 29 and also hasn’t “dated” all that much. He had one serious relationship that lasted 6 years and has a daughter with her, and a couple small ones. He isn’t really focused on her, but says he wants to be. The mom won’t let him. 

He’s always been the one who seems more serious about us. I’ve met his parents and daughter, but he’s hasn’t met my father. He is the one that talks about one day getting married and having kids, making plans about spending a week together with him and his family at the end of the summer.

I started this relationship as a way of forgetting another guy that I had thought I was in love with (I realize now that it was only a crush and am completely over him, and my boyriend knows about him). I thought that it would be a more casual thing, but then I really ended up falling for my boyfriend. I really do care about him, more than I even initially thought I would. He’s really the sweetest guy I’ve ever known.

This all just seems to be going at breakneck speed.

(This is just another question that I’m probably sure doesn’t mean anything. He is still listed as single on facebook. That’s just that people don’t change those kind of things unless they’re really serious, right?)


There are many red flags going up for me in this relationship you describe. You are young and he already has a kid and has been married or at least in some type of serious relationship? He should be busy parenting and be focused on that, but instead he is busy getting drunk and attempting to have a love life. What do you think that does for his child? I would agree with you that you may be moving too fast and should most likely take it much slower. I also think it is risky to hook up with a guy who has baggage like he does. While it’s great that he is sweet and all, there is also a lot of stuff you will have to deal with if you choose to be with this guy. You will have to deal with “The ex” ; an eventual teen girl in your life that probably won’t listen to you because you are not her mother. He probably will let his daughter get away with things that you won’t agree with and it will cause issues for you. Your comeback to me will probably be, “but I will love him…” Problem is love won’t last that long when the pressure builds. If you aren’t going to break it of, I suggest you take it much slower and setup clear boundaries for what is acceptable in you’re relationship. Oh and yes and I always suggest that you seriously consider what someone posts on Facebook as truth…


One thought on ““…but I love him…” even though there are red flags everywhere…

  1. Pingback: If you see this many red flags, seek help immediately… « Help 4 Life

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