|QUESTION:My boyfriends mom has a habit of making him feel bad for things. Things he does, things she wants, stuff like that. He’s 32 yrs old and she always gives him guilt trips. When she doesn’t have money to come down to see us, she lives 6 hrs away, she will ask is to help, and when we can’t she makes him feel guilty. He feels he has to lie to her to “spare her feelings.” Now it looks like we both can’t go to my mom’s, who lives about 10 hrs away, cause it will upset her if we don’t go see her also. I can’t go to my moms to have her help plan the wedding cause we have to tip toe around his mom. She thinks if we take 4 days to go see my mom, we should stop by her house also. That’s about 18 hrs both ways. That’s a lot for a 4 day trip when my mom already lives 10 hrs away. Guess the thing that bothers me the most is his family doesn’t make an effort to come see us. Thy always want us to come to them. And my mom makes as much of a effort as she can to come see us. Am I wrong for feeling this way? I feel like his mom needs to cut the cord.|
I’m smiling at your last statement because I think it sums up what the problem is. You want mommy to cut the cord when your boyfriend should be the one doing it. You blame the mom when your BF should be the one stepping up to the plate and telling his mom no. There is NO WAY you should be getting married if he is not able to be focused on your needs and the needs of your future family with him. A mammas’ boy is often not a good candidate for a successful marriage. What you have described is a man who has not successfully moved on to an independent relationship from his mother. Think it through. What will it look like after you are married and nothing has changed. It will be even worse for you. Because now he has “got you” after he has married and there is no incentive for him to make his relationship any different with his mother. If I was doing pre-marital counseling with you this would be a deal breaker in my opinion. His focus should be you not his mommy.