Hello David – I am 23 years old and have been dating the same girl who is 22 for 5 years. And before we dated she was my best and closest friend, as was i to her. Just a little over a year ago i asked her to marry me and she accepted. When we started dating everything was perfect we had so much fun together and never had any problems. And all up until this past year things were fine. I dont know what happened or how it happened but all of the sudden we just started fighting. And the thing is – most of our fights always start from something so completely ridiculous but turn into much much more. And now our fights are getting so bad that they are starting to turn violent. She has hit me, and though i would never hit her or hurt her; i have grabbed her by the arms and yelled at her. When we fight i get so extremely angry, more angry than i have ever been with anyone. I dont understand how the person i love more than anything can be the person who makes me more angry than i have ever felt?? When we fight its to the point now where we are screaming at each other and calling each other the worst names. I know that neither one of us mean the things we say when we fight but it still hurts. Its to the point now where she says that she is scared to be alone with me because if we fight she dosent want me to grab her again. But i tell her that i dont like being hit either. And the one thing that happens every time we fight is i always try to sit down and talk about it right then and there but she never wants to. she always wants to take 30 minutes or so to cool down and then talk. But when i am angry with her and we are fighting so bad i never let her do that. I always insist that she stay and talk and when we are both trying to do two separate things it just escalates the fight even further. I don’t feel as if i have an anger issue. i just feel that we as a couple have an issue. Please help me. I need to learn to let her calm down when she ask for it and i need to learn to keep myself calm so that i do not ever grab her again. And i need to know how to keep this fighting from happening. Thank you for your time
This issue is one that should immediately put the brakes on your marriage. You are both too immature to get married right now. If you did your issues will only magnify and end up in divorce. I suggest you both take a break from one another and seek out some counseling to get your own issues figured out. If you find that there are no issues then maybe you could do pre-marital counseling. Don’t ignore my advice as an option. This is serious and the fact that it has escalated to physical abuse is a huge red flag. Both of you could be arrested for what you have done to the other. If you don’t get this figured out then things will only get worse.