I had a long distance relationship with a Portuguese girl (I’m Italian) and I was her first man she slept with. We kept it long distance for two years, but I kept cheating on her . She was deeply in love. After two years she wanted to change her country and come live at my place, and I pushed her away with all my efforts. We broke up and it’s one and a half year now. During this time we never stopped talking, although I never catched a plane to go see her again . I had two minor relationship in which I entered mostly for sex. Plus countless one-night stands and great career improvements. Now I’m 27, she’s 25 and she kindly answered to my last email that she recently found love after waiting all this time alone and is happier than ever. The moment I heard this I entered true grief, as if we were just breaking up. Every sort of regret came to my mind and it feels like my immature self just lost me the occasion of happiness for life. I made purposes of never again use women for sex because deep in me I always wanted a partner with whom share a life. I don’t want to lie anymore and I wish I could turn back time to choose differently.
I think what you have found out that when you demean yourself with useless relationships it hurts your psyche. So I would suggest you move on from this girl as a lesson learned. Take the insight you have gained and figure out what you really want in a partner. Once you have some ideas then you find someone who fits some of the ideas that you have. Dating is about information gathering. You have also tended to make things about yourself. That does not make for a good long-term relationship. Don’t be selfish in the next relationship and it will probably go much better for you.