I’m 27 and have been with my now fiancée for 2 years, 1.5 of those during which we dated. He’s an amazing guy who used to treat me like a queen up until 3 weeks ago when I made the worst mistake of my life by sleeping with a co-worker with whom I had become really good friends in the last few months. My fiancée and I had been arguing for days, the biggest argument we’d ever had and the night it happened, I went over to my co-worker’s place to drop off some files. He could see I was upset and invited me in for coffee.
He was so sweet and understanding and we ended up in bed together. I felt so guilty that I went straight home afterwards and confessed everything. My fiancée was completely crushed, deciding to call off the wedding but not giving up on us. It’s been three weeks and he’s been so cold and distant ever since and I don’t know how to fix it. He used to look at me with complete adoration and now all I see when he looks at me is hurt and disappointment.
We still sleep in the same bed but we may as well be in different cities. I feel like he’s punishing me, trying to see how much I can take before I break. I’ve changed jobs since and made it perfectly clear to my fiancée that my co-worker and I had only been good friend, that he was there when I needed someone and I made a terrible error in judgement by letting it get that far.
He used to trust me completely around other guys. I have always had a lot of male friends as well as working with a lot of guys and he’s never doubted me until now. There was a time not too long ago when he couldn’t keep his hands off me but now he can barely look at me.
How do I fix this? Am I supposed to just wait it out? Let him keep punishing me until I break? Why bother giving me another chance when he clearly just wants to hurt me back? Can this relationship survive? Any help with this would be greatly appreciated.
The relationship will only survive if you do some radical things. One is to stop fraternizing with men. It’s obvious you have poor boundaries when it comes to them and if you continue “hanging out” you continue to run the risk of having another affair. I would also suggest you seek out a couples therapist to help you guys manage through this a bit more effectively. Once this is worked out, get a date and marry. Prolonging things and saying you have a fiancee, but not have a date doesn’t make sense. He needs to see action and I would be that you haven’t change many things in your life other than your place of employment. You have shown him that you can’t be trusted and you need to do whatever it takes to get the trust back. David http://www.help4life.net