Do you want a relationship…


QUESTION:

Hello, I have been with a wonderful man for almost a year, after knowing each other for about two and a half. We have a beautiful relationship. He’s a very introverted person – he admitted that people didn’t seem to be very interested in what he had to say when he was younger so he stopped talking about himself, and still finds it hard to do. However, after a few months we’d been going out, he did start to open up, and tell me things about his life, dreams and aspirations, family. After that I went through a rough time and was the one always ranting, and, I realise now, I might have come across as needy and a little self-absorbed. (He was perfect throughout all this, by the way).
Now, although we’re very close and we do generally talk about most things honestly, I feel like I’ve lost that opportunity to make him trust that he could tell me everything about himself. I’m afraid I’ve become one of those people from his childhood who didn’t care about what he had to say (even if it’s just because I’m too absorbed in my own problems) – although I’m much better now and I really do want to be on the listening end.
What should I do? I do ask him questions about himself, or invite him to tell me something, and I don’t think he answers vaguely intentionally (probably he doesn’t even realise), but I re-read my diary from some months back and it looked like there was a moment when he was going to start being more open to me, even without my encouragement. I don’t want to force him to tell me things about his childhood or anything like that – I just want him to know that any time, I am here to listen, and I am interested. Thank you for your time.

ANSWER:

I wonder what you intend for this relationship? If you just want it to stay at a friend level then I think where you are at is fine. If you want it to go to a more romantic level then I suggest you be consistent with your questions of getting to know him. He probably isn’t used to it so may not even know how to respond or go deeper. Maybe he does better in writing. Why not e-mail him a few questions about his life goals. Once he emails back then you have more questions you can ask him in person. He made need to process through questions a bit longer than you so if you need a deep answer in the moment from him then he may not do well at that.

David

www.help4life.net

 

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