Focus on your daughter not your love life…


QUESTION:

Hello,   My fiancé and I have been together for over 7yrs now. We have been living with each other for the past 4 yrs. as for her growing up things have been hard. Her dad died when she was 12 and her mother was a heroin addict probably till my fiancé was 15 she is 26 now. When I met my fiancé, her and her mom were living in a pull behind camper trailer on family’s property. My goal if I stayed with her was to move her out of there, eventually I was able to.       Just 5 months ago we had decided that we wanted to get out of living in an apartment and rent a house since we had 2 dogs. My fiancés mom who had eventually moved with her son in Reno got tired and moved back to CA to the place where she was living in the trailer. She heard that we were in the process of looking for a house and asked if she could move with us. I asked will she be paying rent, the answer was yes because with only me working and my fiancé on unemployment I was looking to only pay around $950 a month. I also figured that my fiancé would enjoy having her mom around. What I didn’t mention at the time her mother was on unemployment as well, but promised to get a job.         Eventually we found a house, total monthly is $1230.00 mo. We decided to charge her mom $410.00mo. Plus 30% of utilities. The first month she paid us $400 and no utilities the second month she gave us 250.00 and again nothing for utilities. Bills started becoming late and piling up. At this time I also gained custody of my 12 year old daughter, which was very good for me. Also at this time,  one of my fiances other brothers had broke up with his girl friend that he was livIng with. My fiancé and her mom went and picked him up, and ended up moving in to the house. We had no idea that my fiances mom td him he could. Again at the time I figure it would be temporary but was I wrong. I’m all for helping family but we had no room. He sleeps on the couch and does not work well for the first two months he was here. Bills have gone way up by this time. We decided to split the rent four ways(me,my fiancé her mom and brother), then split the bills the same way 25%. By this time my fiancé found a job but it is making less then what she got on unemployment, her mon had got a job at the same place and got fired after 3 weeks, let me mention she is always at the doctor complaining of back pain but she gets around fine, she has been trying to get doctors to put her on disability but they don’t see a reason why, she takes Vicodin like crazy I don’t know why they keep prescribing it to her. Now for her brother, he got a job as well bringing home about $1200.00 a month. The past two months he has given us $200 and $250 when we told him its $300. He tells his mom $300 isn’t fair she agreed with him but she went to my fiancé and told her what he said and played the game saying she didn’t agree with him. January is our sixth month here, my fiances mom got her last unemployment chech right before Christmas( we didn’t know it was the last one) she bought presents and who knows what, basically blew it all. When rent came she was broke, my fiances brother paid the $300 but as for utility’s he won’t pay cause he says he has to sleep on the couch. My fiancé and I are upset which makes us get into arguments. I don’t feel comfortable around her family so I’m pretty much confined to our room same for my daughter. We don’t have family time like we should be( my fiancé, daughter and myself).

 

ANSWER:

This is TOTALLY unfair to your daughter. She should be your focus not your “fiance” nor her family. I would suggest you drop the fiance and focus on your daughter. I hope you can see how much better your life would be if you did this. There will be many other women you can have a relationship with, but only one daughter. If you ruin that relationship because of your love life it will be very difficult to get it back. All these “adults” are acting like children and using you. The one child in the situation is having a sucky life because of the continued foolish decisions of all the adults in her life. Move in with family and start over with your daughter. If you don’t then you may risk losing her again and she will be damaged even more. No Fiance can be worth losing a relationship with ones daughter.

David

www.help4life.net

 

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