Take a break already…


Hello David,

I’ve been struggling for a bit with this situation and would appreciate any light that you can shine on it.  My name is Jan and I’m 29 years old.

On the 1st of this year my fiance and I ended a 6 year relationship because we were both depressed and realized we wanted very different things from each other.  It still broke my heart, I still cry about it almost everyday even though I know that an ‘us’ relationship would never work.

At the same time however, I was talking to this new guy online.  Very innocent and when it turned out to be not so innocent, I told him to leave me alone and that I didn’t want to talk with him. He ended up showing up at my work.  He said he had nobody to talk to and he was going through a really rough time.  He told me he just wanted to be friends.  

When my relationship with my ex ended, this new relationship pretty much started right away.  In fact, we haven’t even been together for 3 months, but we have been living together for 2…  but i digress

So basically my question is this:

I feel like I am falling for Mr.New but I am STILL mourning mr.ex.  I just don’t trust my feelings but new guy is talking about marriage and babies, etc… all the things I want, in fact, the reason why me and my ex split up!  Me and Mr.new get along great except for his jealousy issues…sometimes they are a little out of control….

Do I stay and take a chance on this guy?  Should I break it off because it’s too risky?  Am I still in love with my ex?  will I ever get over him? (probably not)

Thank you so much for reading through my dilemma. I’m so scared to let go of mr.new but I am equally afraid not to.

Thank you.



What you need to do is break things completely off with both and have a period of time where you focus on you. If you don’t you will always be second guessing yourself with this other guy. It sounds like you should gather yourself together and figure out why this first relationship didn’t work and then process through it rather than simply be jumping into another relationship. This is important because 6 years of your life was just spent with someone who you were going to marry and now jumping into a relationship with someone you’ve known for less than a year doesn’t seem smart. It especially doesn’t seem wise when he is talking about babies and marriage already?

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