Let’s be friends…


QUESTION:

I know this is probably going to sound a little paranoid – but I am currently bothered by the fact my future mother in law is building a relationship with my future husband’s ex-girlfriend.
My FH and his ex had a long term relationship prior to ours. It lasted 5 years, but it never resulted in an engagement, marriage, children or even mutual pets. And by all accounts, during those years, the relationship between my FMIL and the ex was hostile at best. FMIL had described the ex as someone who took advantage of my FH and was generally disrespectful.
However, one evening FMIL ‘needed’ the ex’s help to take care of an elderly pet because the usual pet sitter was busy that weekend. From what I was told, the ex had a total break down when she got to the house (this was over a year after the FH and ex broke up and after FH and I got engaged)because of the engagement and how her life was so much worse since FH and ex broke up. FMIL did the nice thing, consoled her, and left for her business trip.
Well, after that incident, the two started hanging out for coffee, dinners, lunches, etc., and started really bonding. My FH asked her to stop because it made him and I uncomfortable and that he thought it was more important that FMIL bond with me, (i think i have the best FH). She agreed. But the problem is, that she didn’t stop and now it makes me really uncomfortable.
So, more recently, FH talked to her again. This time FMIL called FH and my emotions silly and said that was important for her to make up for all the time she treated the ex poorly. And that the ex was just a girl in need and that we both needed to understand that.
But it still bothers me. The FH suggested I talk to her about it because he believes that the FMIL just thinks FH is being a “mean guy” and that it may sound better coming from me as a woman.
Well – I want to talk to her about it because it bothers me. The problem is I have no idea how to approach it. I don’t want to sound demanding, but I still have a desired result I want to reach. In light of the fact she’s already told FH that his and I’s feeling are “silly” how do I approach something like that and even broach the subject?

ANSWER:

Where will you draw the line on who your MIL can be friends with then? I would suggest that you may have some insecurity in the relationship with your BF and you are looking for something that isn’t there. If anything maybe you should strive to have a stronger connection with your MIL. Treat her kindly and see the response you get. Going to her and saying she needs to end a relationship would just makes things worse.

David

http://www.help4life.net

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