It’s none of your business…


Hi, I don’t know if you will be able to help me with this, it’s quite specific question so I will start from the beginning. About 3 years ago me and my dad visited my nan and they were talking about someone called Tasha, I didn’t know who this girl was but my nan kept asking my dad if he was going to contact Tasha at Christmas. When my dad left the room I asked my nan who Tasha was, she replied your dads daughter from his first marriage. First of all I had no idea my dad was married before he married my mother and I had no idea he had a daughter and that I had a half sister. I was completely shocked by this, so much so that I never mentioned it, it took me a few months till I told anyone, the first person I told was my brother who was just as shocked as me he had no idea. After about a year I asked my mother about it, it took me a long time to talk to her because I was scared if she didn’t know it would cause problems in their relationship. Turns out she did know, but my dad asked her not to tell us and that he would when he’s ready. I am now 20 (found out when I was 17) and he doesn’t know me and my brother know about Tasha. The thing is I can’t seemed to bring myself to ask him about her, I don’t really know why maybe because I always thought he was such a great dad and I don’t want to come to terms with the fact that maybe he isn’t a great dad and I can’t bring myself to say to him, dad I know the truth. Now I’m getting older I would like to know who my sister is, I honestly don’t know if I would like a relationship with her or anything to do with her at all but I would like the option. The problem is I’m too scared to ask anyone about her, and I don’t know how I would even begin to look for her, I don’t even know her last name. Do you have any advice on what I should do about this situation and how I could search for her.


You weren’t supposed to find this information out. Your nan did the wrong thing in telling you. It was none of your business and your dad was the who should have had the option to tell you. Letting this one thing color who your dad is in your eyes is wrong. He has his reasons and I don’t think you should be the judge of him because you have no idea what went on in that previous relationship. Now, why do you want to search her out? Are you not happy with the members of your own family? Have you thought that maybe this girl knows you are out there, but she hasn’t bothered to search you out? I think out of respect you need to have a conversation with your father and then let that guide you in what you do next. This sister is a stranger to you and actually may have not interest in getting to know you. Simply being curious about someone isn’t enough good reason to track them down and intrude in their probably peaceful life.


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