Why did you marry…


QUESTION:

My husband and I have been married for three years. Both second marriages. Two years ago my husband allowed his then 34 year old son to come and live with us. The son was living on the streets due to drug and alcohol problems. I was not asked if I approved of the new living condition. The step son does not work neither does he look for work. My husband enables his son in many ways, providing him with money and cell phone and asking very little in return in the way of help around our home. The step son is a slob and blatantly disrespects me. He will go through our food and dirty the dishes, leaving them in the sink for me to wash even after I have asked him to wash his own dishes. I have found pot in his bedroom and smell it on him when he comes into our house from the garage. My husband is in denial of his son’s drug use. I have too many times cleaned up his son’s vomit from an all night binge drinking with friends. When I voice my problems with my husband regarding his son, he just says, “I’ll talk to him.” My husband will take his son’s side over me every time. I’ve asked my husband why he would believe his son who does drugs and lies, over me his wife, who has never done drugs or lied to my husband. No response. I feel this is a no win situation as my husband has told me that he will never throw his son out on the street. My husband is getting ready for retirement and is looking at homes for downsizing. He intends to move his now 36 year old son with us when he does retire. I say it’s time his son start looking seriously for a job and a place of his own. I can’t take it much longer. Much of the disrespect towards me occurs when my husband is at work. When the son gives his side of the story, which differs greatly from mine, my husband takes his son’s side. This is extremely painful to me and causes me to wonder if my husband really loves me or would choose his son over me. I think my husband has already done this by the above facts. Is there hope for this improving or am I whipping a dead horse?

ANSWER:

I suggest you let your husband know that you married him to be with him not his ADULT son and him. Therefore if things don’t change you will be moving out in 4 weeks. This isn’t a threat it’s just a matter of fact. If he would prefer to be in an enabling relationship with his son then there isn’t much you are going to be able to do. Stop arguing and fighting. He KNOWS what you want and is simply showing you that it isn’t important to him. I say you get on with your life if he is not willing to change his.

David

http://www.help4life.net

3 thoughts on “Why did you marry…

  1. And I agree with David! Your husband seems like a man that will never change himself, but he is expecting you to change no matter what. It seems as though his adult son is more important than you are, it’s almost as if your husband is buying his son’s forgiveness for something he did or didn’t do when his son was going up. And if this is the case, it’s nothing that you are going to be able to do to stop him from continuing the actions that he is performing. Your husband wants you to change and think his way and he is not going to ask you to do so, he expects it to happen, because you are his wife on paper. You gave him your heart when you married him, and he didn’t take care of it as though it was his own. You seem like you are a bright woman, I think that you know what you have to do, no one has to tell you! 😦

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