Time to grow up…


  QUESTION:

Hi. I have lived with divorced parents since I was in the 4th grade. I am now a sophomore in college trying to deal with my wants to stretch out into the world and do what makes me happy. Before I start with the now, let me give you some history. After my parents got separated, my mom got remarried to my step-father. My step-father and I do not have a good relationship; never had. We NEVER get along. We fight all the time and this has been the way it has always been. After finally going to college, I finally understood what the world had to offer with my individuality. I am going to school now to hopefully become a doctor in the future. I have always wanted to help people. A lot of my friends will be  studying abroad in places I have always wanted to go. A lot of my friends get to do volunteer work outside of the country. I have always wanted to do these things. Being in college, I love be independent. I love living on my own and making my on choices. I love being with my friends and making the best out of life. When I come home for winter or summer break, I am back in the controlling negative environment of my family. My mom wants me to find another job to work so that I can make money over spring break and the summer. I have no problem with getting a job (i was recently given 0 hours at my previous job that I have been at for 4 years). I dont like how my mother doesnt want me to go on a spring break trip with my friends when this will be the only 4 years of my life where i can take advantage of being with my friends from college. My mom and I just fought because my “real” dad has been unemployed for 2 years and that money is everything. I just want to move out and be happy, but my mother says that my step-dad wont  co-sign for my loans. And without loans, i lose college and my friends. I just know that there is more to life and I want to take what i can form it and not be controlled by my parents. I love them, but i can’t take it anymore. I want to be in control. Thank you for your time in advance.

   

ANSWER:

I will lay it out clearly for you. You want it all, but don’t want to sacrifice anything for it. You want others to pay your way. It’s great to be independent, but in reality you aren’t. You are still reliant on the other parental types in your life. As such they still have a say if they are giving you ANY financial support. Once that stops then you truly are independent. If you can’t handle the input your parents are giving you then I suggest you lighten your school load find another job and simply move out. When you come home for breaks and are ungrateful it irritates people and they don’t want to help you out with things. That is probably why your mother doesn’t want you to do on spring break. They don’t want to keep footing the bill for what appears to be an ungrateful child. If you changed your attitude towards them and recognized that you truly are no independent I think you relationship would change.

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