We all have free will…


  QUESTION:

Hi, I have a 21 year old son.  Here is the background.  He moved to a town about 1 1/2 hrs from our hometown to go to community college.  He wanted to gain some independence and was renting a house.  This last March he meets a girl where he works and fast forward she is now 4 months pregnant, they are sharing an apartment together!!  Yes my husband I went through all the shock, disappointment etc.  We think the girl did it on purpose.  She is only 19 and had only moved out of her parents home a couple months prior to meeting our son.  She grew up in this town where the college is located so she has never moved away to gain any independence.  Her parents only live about a 5 minute drive from them.  We are not very impressed with her parents.  The mother seems cold and the father is a total redneck type.  He drinks a ton of beer.  The mom has a job with the city in corrections and is not the redneck type but the husband is.  We really don’t care for either one of them.  Here is the issue, the girl seems to still be very dependent on her parents and gets whiney around them and calls them for everyting and they in turn seem to be very involved in my son and her lives, to a fault.  My husband and are are very concerned that they are to involved and don’t like the idea of our soon to be grandchild being around the redneck dad.  This girl goes to her parents for everything, a sure sign of her immaturity.  We know it bothers our son but he seems to just go along with it, not his normal nature.  He wanted to be a police officer and now all of a sudden he says he will be a correction officer like the mother, coincedence?  Her parents seem to be doing everything in their power to be sure they keep them there in that town, under their supervision. Should we tell our son how we feel or just keep our mouths shut?  It really bothers us to see our son allowing this and we feel as long as they live in that town her parents will continue to butt in to their lives.

   

ANSWER:

Don’t you think that your son already knows you don’t agree? Hopefully you are not paying for anything while he is making these poor choices. If you do decide to tell him that you don’t agree with what he is doing then that needs to be the last time you do it. You can’t keep beating him up over it. There will be a baby soon and if you want to have contact with the baby then you need to keep avenues of communication open. It is unfortunate when children get off track, but he is an adult and he can make all the stupid decisions he wants.

One thought on “We all have free will…

  1. Wow that is some situation! Since you asked my advice would be to embrace them both because there is a little one coming … and if you want to be any part of your boy’s life .. or that baby’s… you need to get on the train now. Our son ended up with a girl who already had a child and they got pregnant quickly. Sure she could have done it on purpose but it’s not like he walked through the living room, tripped, and fell into her .. ahem privates! He was a willing partner, too. They married & are making it work. Her parents .. the super religious ones? Crazed and nasty people … and now .. she loves us because we accepted her. As much as we want to … we can’t pick their profession or love interest any easier than our parents could for us. Good luck!!

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