I have been married to this man for 32 years and nine months. My girls are grown and have move away and it is me and him living at home. He had taken a job away from home because the pay was great. He was gone for a year to California and I only saw him once since he told me his company would not pay for me to be flying to see him.So his company paid for him to come home to see the family but was never home but for 3 days out of the month. I had feeling that he might be seeing someone out there but he denied it. When his time was up for him to come home he had bought a new computer and notice we didn’t have much of communication. He stop touching me and I asked him if something was wrong and he said no. He started staying on his computer after he would come home from work and started having his own e-mail with his private password. When ever I would walk into the room he would immediately close his window on his computer. I notice that he started searching porn sites. He stopped having sex with me and I had ask him if anything was wrong with us and he said no.
Later he took another contract job and was gone for another year but would drive back home and stay for a week but than he started telling me he couldn’t come home. When I tried to call him he would keep his phone off. I felt like there was something he wasn’t telling me. When his job was finish at that location he came home. A few days later I saw that he was on my computer and he left a window open of an e-mail to a woman he was going out with while out there. When I confronted him he said it was just a friend but by her email to him it seem more than that. He immediately closed his email so I wasn’t able to read any others he had. He had other names of women as contact that he had. when I told him I wanted the secrecy to end and that I wanted to see what he had on his private email he erase everything that was there.I told him how I felt about our relationship how I didn’t feel he love me like he use to. He told me he loved me and that it wasn’t me but him. He couldn’t explain that. He told me he was not cheating. I did find condoms when he came home from California in his bag and his reply was that he used them to masturbate. I also found Viagra and his reply to that was he bought it for his brother. He has an answer for everything. Then he took a job in China after I told him I didn’t want him to go because I wanted to work on our relationship. Somehow when I went to check my computer his email was automatically signed in so I checked it. While he was in China he was writing a lot of women around our daughters ages which is around 25. And one of the girls even stayed the night with him before he left to come home and wrote him a letter saying how much she missed him and wanted to be back in his arms. Of course he denied everything! I recently heard him in the bathroom talking to someone telling her “I miss you honey” There has been many other things that have happened, but a big part of me is scared to let go, but he never has even apologized to me for anything. I’m just wanting an outside perspective of my situation. I feel so lost and alone at times. Sorry for such a long email but I don’t know what else to do. I’m thinking of filing for divorce.
It’s pretty obvious to me that he is not interested in keeping a romantic relationship going with you. So while you are scared to let go, he has already done so and seems able to convince you that you are wrong in your assumptions. So you need to decide what to do. Do you want to stay in a loveless relationship or move on? It has to be up to you and you need to have a frank discussion with him about it. While it may be difficult, this is your life we are talking about and you need to be in charge of it.