It’s none of your business…


  QUESTION:

My sister-in-law and I started off on the wrong foot many years ago. She has always been nasty to my brother and would always be rude to me and my husband. When my brother decided to marry her he set a date unaware that my partner and I had booked a secret wedding that would be 2 months before they wed. I approached my brother and asked permission to have my secret wedding. He gave his approval. On my wedding day my sister in law sat with her arms crossed and a frown on her face through the whole ceremony and then had a fight with my brother once it was finished. She told my best friend that I had stolen her vows and planned the wedding just to take the attention off her and my brother. I found out I was pregnant and told my husband at his birthday dinner she was 6 months pregnant and stomped off to the toilets. She sent me an abusive message saying I just wanted the attention that she was getting. Now years later she has cheated on my brother and moved into her own place. My brother has bought her all the furniture for her new place and a new car. While she was cheating on him, he was cleaning her house and visiting her over night. He says it’s for their daughters sake but my Mum babysat her when my brother goes to her. She posts over facebook a lot of dirty messages to her new guy but my brother wont look at facebook. She lied about my parents, posting that my Dad kicked her and that my Mum and all our family can burn in hell. She also threatened to ‘bash’ me. She put him up on charges for stalking but she invites him over and even stays at his place when they can be alone together. She has told him that she slept with this other guy because my brother made her do it by his behavior. I have found out this morning that they are getting back together and my Mum has asked me to accept her otherwise I will be the one left out of the family. My husband does not want our boys to be around her but I don’t want my children to miss out on seeing their cousin. They live next door to my parents so it means limiting time with their grandparents as well. I don’t know what to do? Do I have to accept her? This is just a summary of the terrible things she has done to my family. I don’t know if I can forgive that.   

   

ANSWER:

First off it’s actually none of your business what your brother chooses to do. If he wants to be a fool then that is on him to do so. I think that if you want your children to play with their cousin you need to ignore the bad behavior of the past. You can accept someone in your life and want to hang with them and invite them over or you can accept someone in your life so you can keep relationships open with other people. It is unfortunate that people tolerate her crappy behavior, but what can you do? I suggest you limit any contact with her, always have someone present when you do have to be in her presence and make sure that someone is around when your kids are playing with cousins. Your brother is an idiot, but it’s his right to be an idiot. You need to be the bigger person here and ignore what she is doing in her personal life unless it endangers your children in some way. Hide her on FB so you don’t have to see status updates etc…The more you know they more you will be irritated, so stop trying to find out the latest stuff.

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