Is this really Mr. Right…


  QUESTION:

When I found out my husband cheated on me, I filed for divorce.  It took the months of the divorce to become final for me to detach myself from him.  The day following the divorce becoming final I met an incredible, kind, loving man.  This relationship started on the internet. After the fourth day of ‘chats’ I called him- and we found an immediate connection. We spoke every single day for many hours a day. I HAD to find out if what I was experience was real or part of an internet fantasy.  30 days after that first phone call, I took a plane and met him.  The moment I laid my eyes upon this man,and saw his smile, I fell more in love with him that I had felt over the communications we had been having over the net.  I was suppose to stay just five days, but I could not leave. He paid for me to stay a total of 15 days. Out of respect for marriage- we never were together sexually, though we did enjoy some very intimate moments together.  We shared 15 incredible days.  When I got home I invested in a PC video camera. From the day we spoke on the phone, we have yet to cease communication. I am completely in love with this man.  The crazy thing is, when I was down there- it was so amazing- he proposed to me. I couldn’t answer.. I was in shock.  Upon his asking me a third time, I could not resist him, “yes I will marry you.”  I was married for 20 years, and I have never known compatibility, or friendship, or understanding like I am learning with this man.  In just 15 days- together we discovered things about me that I never knew, that my ex never knew.  It has been now eight weeks since that first phone call.  When he proposed I said yes, and in all this time and in all our discussions, no red flags, nothing has changed but my affection, and my love for him.  My question is, is it possible to find such a love in such a short period of time?  Speak on average 12 to 16 hours a day.  I “see” him everyday.  I want a future with this man.  I see myself growing old with him.  Everything in my heart tells me this man is my ‘soul-mate.’ I never felt this with my first husband/relationship. But from day two, (the second day we spoke on the phone- we spoke on average about 21 hours each day the first four days- I couldn’t even eat,  and only slept 3 hours each day for those first four days- by the end of the fourth day, with no food and hardly sleep I lost 7 lbs)  The conversations was amazing.  Is it possible to find such a love in such a short period of time?  It has been 12 wks now, but 8 wks of real communication- video chats, and I flew out to see him for an including the amazing 15 days. I have a date to marry.. we will have been communicating all but five months by the time of the “I do’s”…. am I crazy?  I am 38 he is 44.  My friends and family feel it is all soooo rushed, but it does not feel this way.  To them he is a stranger to me, but I have literally shared EVERYTHING about myself with this man- thinking if he knows about even my regrets, my sins, my pains- things NO one knows and if he still loves me, I have someone here.  He has done the same for me, I have learned some unsavory things but the fact that he trust me and shared these.. I love him more, I have a deeper understanding of him, a deeper respect for him.  I accept him the way he is, I do not wish to change him- and he allows me to be me, myself.  I feel free to be who I truly am, something I could not be with my ex.  Is this really possible, or am I fooling myself into thinking such a love, such a find is possible?  … Help!

   

ANSWER:

Ok I want to challenge you on something. You say “I never felt this with my first husband…” I completely disagree. I think you may have forgotten the feelings you had when you first started dating your first husband. I don’t believe that you were forced to marry and that you didn’t have dreamy feelings in your first marriage. Let’s be honest you probably did and overlooked many things that probably shouldn’t have been overlooked…you were 18 for pete’s sake. Okay so let’s get back to earth for a moment. You have just recently come out of a 20 year relationship. Did you receive any type of counseling to deal with this break up? Do you have kids? They have already been scarred by this divorce and now you want to bring another man into their lives? Doesn’t that seem a bit unfair? Have you done a background check on this guy? I think it is possible to find “Mr. right”, but highly unlikely. If this guy is so wonderful why hasn’t he been scooped up already? If he is divorced what does his wife say is the reason for the divorce? In my mind if you don’t have answers to these then you are avoiding some important questions. If you decide my questions aren’t reasonable to ask or valid, at a minimum you should do pre-marital counseling. If you simply go head-long with the overwhelming feelings without actually doing some homework on this guy then you are probably gonna get burnt again. Slow down and do some homework instead of getting caught up in the emotions.

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