Talking is always good…

  QUESTION:Ok, I was wondering if you could help me with an unbiased opinion. I am in my 20’s. I do still live at home with my younger brothers, over 18 tho.My mom’s dad has recently passed into stage 4 cancer. He has trouble with pain (but takes pain pills). I suppose the main problem is he is weak at times. My mom has been staying with him most of the time. When he sister comes down she convinces mom to stay and help her clean his house. I would like her to come home now and then. One thing I like spending time as a family and two I think she needs a break from him now and then, you know.

Another twist to this story. Moms dad abused  her and her sister. He is very demanding nothing is good enough for him. He complains about everything. He pry’s into peoples lives. I hate it there. Of course, he has always been like this. Everyone says let it go, he’s sick. WTF.

Ok, so here’s my questions. I know I am in my 20’s and old enough to take care of myself (as is my brothers), but I don’t think what’s happening is right. My mom and I argue about it at times. Someone said to me, I am sounding jealous. I don’t feel that tho. I feel angry. Yes, I would like time with my mom and as a family. I do go down there now and then to help. I relieve mom for a few hours so she can go out (and be away from him). SO am I sounding jealous. Please tell me, b/c I need some reality here. Thank you so much !

  ANSWER:People get angry when they are sad, hurt, disappointed or have some type of loss. So which of these fit for you? You have to remember that DESPITE what this man may have done he is still a father to your mother. She must have deeply held beliefs about her responsibility to her parent. Plus, he is not going to be around much longer I imagine. What I would suggest is that you talk to your mother so you know when she is available and then work around her schedule. She is already stressed with taking care of her father she doesn’t need you bringing on the guilt trips. Making her life easier and working around her schedule will make the relationship stronger between you and her.

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