Your son is SPOILED…


  QUESTION:

We have started having a lot of trouble from my 17 year old son.   Just seems like things just keep getting worse.  He started school this week.  On the first day I asked if he had anything for me to look over and sign.  Teachers always send a syllabus home and have the parents read it and sign it.  He said no not this year.  I just looked in his book back and found several of them that he forged his dads name on.  I just want to scream and yell at him.  I just can’t trust him anymore.  I know he wants his independence, but I don’t know why he would hide this from me.   He hid the fact that he was failing as college algebra class from me. He had his cross country team over at the house and was suppose to rent a pg13 movie, but rented two R rated movies.  His coach was there and got on to him, but we are just humiliated.  When we told him this was wrong he said he shouldn’t have even told us and that it wasn’t a school function and all the kids had already seen the movie anyway so it was no big deal.  He won’t take responsibility. We let him drive one of our nicer cars and ended up tearing the transmission up.  We have now told him he has to drive the old pick up.  He keeps begging to drive the car.  He doesn’t think he has done anything wrong.  I’m at a loss.  I afraid he is going to screw up his senior year.  If he had a chance to drink I’m sure he would.  He thinks its cool.  He likes to do things for attention or to make people laugh that aren’t funny.  Like I found in his book bag a note for his college prep class about his after college aspirations was to make a porno.  How do I even begin to discipline this.  He rebels against everything.  If I mention any of this to his dad, he will blow his fuse and the situation will be even worse.  We have been down that road.  They go for weeks without talking.  His dad refuses to sit down and lay out guidelines with me saying he knows better and we shouldn’t have to tell him.  I’m going crazy!
 

  ANSWER:

Okay, there is a lot here so I will try to boil it down. First, based on what you have said I believe your son is spoiled. Secondly, that fact that your husband is unaware of much of this stuff is an issue as you must know as well. So with that being said I think your son is SPOILED. He does bad behavior and there seems to really be no consequence. All he gets is a stern talking to and then he is on his way. Unless you quickly begin to set clear, stable boundaries you will continue to go crazy. He shouldn’t be allowed cell use, driving privileges, video games, sleepovers etc…Those should be incentives to be gained by good behavior. I think you should seek out a family therapist and a marital therapist. As an extreme measure you could leave the home temporarily and let your husband deal with your son so he can get a taste of what is really going on. Like I said before, if you don’t get a grip on this soon and present stable appropriate boundaries your son will only get worse.

2 thoughts on “Your son is SPOILED…

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