Come back down to earth please…


  QUESTION:I’ve recently came into contact with an individual from long ago.  We met at a catholic school when we were in the 1st. grade.  Our families knew each other and occasionally spend special events together.  We were always close, spoke on the phone, and played as children.  Until, I had to move when I was in the 5th grade.  Our lives went separate ways.  We lost touch.  Our families met again when we were freshman’s in high school.  There was instinct attraction, but never followed through because of the distance.  We lost touch once again.  Until recently when I saw him in Facebook and wrote to him.  After getting out of a “not so good” marriage.  My only intentions were to see how he was doing and what he had been up to.  We emailed each other for four months.  I found him interesting and we were back to that comfort zone when we were children – all except that we are now in our 40’s.  He remained single all these years – has a 21 year old daughter.  I did ask “Why he had never contacted me?”  His response was that he thought all along that I may have married and had children.  He feels terrible that he didn’t.  About a month ago, we decided to meet.  I was so nervous and so was he.  But as time elapse, we forgot how time went by so quickly because the connection was still there (he also agrees).  We had plenty to talk – since email only takes you so much.  We exchange numbers and continued talking and getting to know each other.  It seems that he is thinking the same thing I’m thinking about and vice-versa.  We decided to see each other for a second time because we missed each other and wanted to be together.  This time around, I had him come to my home place.  See where I finished my “growing up” years.  We headed back to my place and as we continued to talk and get to know each other  he told me that he felt so comfortable with me and that we connected at every level he could imagine.  He held me all night long.  The very next day, we still had plenty to talk about and he left for his hometown in NYC.  We continue to talk on the phone, continue to text message throughout the day and counting the days till we see each other again.  He has already professed his love for me.  I found it rather shocking because I’ve been married before and thought I was in love.  But my marriage (the relationship) was totally different from ours.  I care for him, I care about his feelings, his needs, I want to make him happy. He has made me a better person.  I’ve already met his mother.  I like her.  We’ve had several conversations and had some disagreements – but always manage to talk them through.  There is no doubt in my mind that he loves me – but how do I know if I love him?  What is love?  The only thing I know is that I never had these feeling for my ex-husband. Please help
 
  ANSWER:OK let’s come back down to earth for a moment. Now step back a moment. This seems a bit like a high school crush doesn’t it? Please don’t take offense I just want you to be a bit objective. I am sure there is a lot of passion and whether you want to believe it or not I think secretly in the back of your mind you have always had a fantasy about this man and a potential relationship with him. While it may not have been a daily or weekly thing I would bet that you had thoughts of him over the years. So now you are in a position where you are living out your fantasy. Many would give anything to be able to do that. Yet, if you don’t take things slow you could ruin things. I would suggest you be very honest with this man about what you are expecting in this relationship. You will be the only one to know if you “love” him. Love is more than a feeling. It is about serving, sacrifice, care. If you jump into a relationship that is full of emotion and forget all the other building blocks your building will fall in on itself. Slow down, be honest and see what happens.

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