Loser in-laws…


  QUESTION:

So my husband and I have been married for a little over 3 years, and I love my husband so so much. He is a wonderful, kind, and caring person. Unfortunately, his brother isn’t a very good person like my brother and even more unfortunately he lives only 20 minutes away. Here is the story…my brother-in-law is involved with a woman who is a gambling addict and just a plain bad person. She is a neglectful mother, and would much rather spend her time at parties and the casino AWAY from her kids and their dad. Feel bad for my brother-in-law? Don’t. He’s just as bad but in a different way. He puts up with all of this gambling non-sense and would do almost anything to please her, despite her absence as a mother and her constant criticism and accusations…she’s just a you-know-what, to put it nicely. He will screw his kids over just to make her happy. As a result he is very poor (as a result of her not helping with the bills and kid’s expenses and because of the lavish gifts he buys her…60 inch flatscreen anyone?). And guess who he comes running to. US! My husband gave him over $2000 last year and that doesn’t even include all that we have had to buy for the kids (food, shoes, etc.). We get by every month, but have very little extra money to save or use to go on a trip or something.

And money is not the only part, we have had to watch the kids so much (the first 1.5  years of our marriage it was every single day and at times every single night of the 7-day week) for free. I didn’t like it, but my husband insisted because he didn’t want them to be exposed to the parties and stuff that they go to. Well, my grades in school were plummeting fast and I was at risk of getting kicked out so I had to put my foot down and say NO. It’s gotten better, but we still watch the kids a lot, and it’s very stressful. They aren’t always well behaved and I don’t want to deal with crappy attitudes from kids who aren’t ours.

I so badly want my husband and I to move the heck out of this city once I graduate. I am sick of dealing with the BIL, SO sick of it and if I am blessed enough to give birth to and deliver our own children, I don’t want us to be having to deal with this. Do you have any advice?
 

ANSWER:

I think it is valuable that you see both these adults are being bad. I suggest that you get the authorities involved. If these children are at risk like you say then the state should be involved because these kids need to be in a stable and safe environment. I think you need to sit with your husband and have a clear conversation about what your view of the future is and that you don’t want children as things currently stand. Enabling is not going to teach the BIL to take more responsibility for his life. You don’t want to be considered a nag so when you talk to your husband plan it out very clearly. If you keep bringing it up with him he will think you are simply nagging at him.

Make yourself heard!

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