This is the reason why…


   QUESTION:

My boyfriend and I moved in together 3 months ago after 5 months of dating and at first it was great! But it seems little by little he is taking me for granted and not making it a point to spend time with me. It feels that I am the one to set up special time for us to do things (in the bedroom and otherwise) and that he hardly exerts effort. I know that he loves me and I know that he has not lost interest but I have tried to tell him how I feel about this, including the possibility of getting my own place if I thought it would help, he clams up at the confrontation and I feel that we don’t get anywhere. He has never been in a healthy relationship before (my perspective) and I don’t think has ever been asked to grow and understand women. Please tell me how I can help him understand my needs before it comes to me moving out.
 

   ANSWER:

This is EXACTLY why living together is such a risky proposition. You both are under the assumption that living together will work because “hey we like each other”. The problem is that there is no true commitment or covenant that is made. This means neither is usually willing to work on difficult things when they come. So my question to you is why should he make it point to spend time with you? Just because? You say he know he loves you, yet if you know that why doesn’t he do the things that people should be doing when they love one another. I believe it’s because now that he has you, what’s the point. There was never a commitment made by either of you to work on loving one another even when things are difficult. Getting your own place would probably be a step in the right direction. It would clear the air so to speak so then there won’t be  this confusion about the status of the relationship. Once living apart, then you can have a better conversation about what you need. You guys can’t do it now with this confusing living situation you are in. What you will probably find is that he will be easier to talk to when moved out. If he doesn’t get easier to talk to you will realize that you made a good choice on moving out. As a sidenote. There are studies that show living together increases the liklihood of divorce so once again why do it?

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