6 months ago, I fell in love with a man who was in a long term relationship. Over the past 6 months he has been back and forth between the two of us. He has told both of us that he loves us both, and is very confused. He is a angry confused man inside. When he is with her, he is mean, defensive, and on edge. When he is with me, he laughs, jokes and we talk for hours and hours. However, whenever we are together there is always a point the goes back to her. (then comes back to me again). Just recently he has made the best decision for himself which was to get help. During this process he is still in contact with both of us. Which I feel is causing more confusion for him. I have done my best to keep our conversations at a friendship support level but I do not want to be cold, because I do love him and don’t want him to feel like I don’t. After speaking with him, he tells me, and I have seen it that she angers him with her selfishness, and back choices. He says he loves to be with me and talk to me cause I bring him calmness. We can talk about anything, we truly make each other smile inside and out. But his issues with trust and being able to deal with his “other” relationship weights him down. He wants a good life, he wants to be happy, but he doesn’t know how to do it and who he wants it with. Bottom line, is that while he is getting the help he so needs, I don’t know what type of roll I should play so that it is not affecting his progress. This is not about me or her right now. It’s about him. Yet she calls him every day, angry that he speaks to me. They have a child together, I know they are going to be a part of each others lives forever, regardless of what he decides so I have accepted that. I don’t doubt that he loves me, I just don’t know where my role is right now, if there is one. I have told him that I will respect any decision he makes, once he gets this help and makes that decision with a somewhat clear thought process, and I will. But in the meantime, what to do???
You are being played. You don’t have any TRUE idea except what he tells you about this other woman. I am much more concerned that you see this as okay given that fact this man has a child that is being led into this drama with you. It seems completely unreasonable and unfair that this man is not focusing his attention on his child, but instead has two foolish people vying for his attention. You can feel however you like towards him, but the right thing to do is get on with you life and stop distracting this man from what his focus should really be on…his child. You should also ask yourself the question…Why do I want to focus on a man that I have to share with another woman? Isn’t that a bit twisted? If he really loved you he would have made the decision to be with you already. That is why I think you are being used. Move on before you get hurt anymore.