He needs to get clean and sober…


   Question:

I’m 29 and my husband is 30.  Together 11 yr married 9 with one 8yr old child. It’s been a rough 9 yrs with his drug abuse, lies, emotional rollercoasters and addiction to Internet porn/talking to girls.  I feel I have pushed him away emotionally to save myself from being hurt but again it’s my fault for putting up with the behavior.  We did counseling but then afterwards I found out the entire time he was texting constantly with an old flame.  Again my heart sank and we are back to the same place… I’ve left but came back because I always have this desire to make sure he is okay.  I can’t do this anymore and I can’t decide if I am truly in love any more or if this is just a relationship of convenience.  I want more children and he does as well but I’m not willing to have them brought into this.  Every year I say things have to change but I never make that step.  We don’t communicate well or much at all.  We have separate friends and he hates family fuctions.  The only thing we do have is a good attraction/sexual relationship.  I’m lost…  Maybe I would say I’m doing something insanely wrong but I’ve always had a fulltime job, taken full care of our child, and kept the house clean.  I’m not nearly as emotional as he is though and I think that bothers him.  I try but there is no way I can do a complete turn around of my personality. I  want this to work but I know at this rate it can’t.  Is there hope??

   ANSWER:

PLEASE don’t bring anymore kids into this relationship. I would suggest that you separate until he stays clean and sober and take counseling seriously. He is using you and will not change until he is forced to experience the consequences of his behavior. He hasn’t really had to because you have not done anything really different in this relationship. I would suggest you move out and into your parents home.

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