You’ve raised adults now help them become ones…


  QUESTION:

Our son and step-son is 21 yrs old.  He goes to college. Our son has had problems for years with work ethic both in and out of the home.  He is in our home, his father’s, only part time as he lives a couple hours away.  He moved as a freshman in high school.  Our home is middle class living.  His mom’s home is affluent living, house keepers and fine dining are the norm.  The issue is Jase is having a problem understanding that $8 an hr is what he’s worth right now (he’d like to become a Dr because they make a lot of money), and almost refuses to get a job and earn some money this summer. He has worked a couple months of the summer his previous two summers.  He normally lives at his moms during the summer. Hes with us now because he could not get along with his mom due to their differences, mostly due to lack or work ethic.  She assumes no responsibility for this.  He is going back to NC Monday to look for work and take a summer class.  We have serious doubts he’ll actually get a job when he gets back.  He just found out his summer class will cost double. He’s embarassed about the older dented car he has to drive.  What can we say to him to get him to understand that his refusal to work during the school year and save money for unexpected expenses is why he’s in a jam now.  Also that he feels it’s beneath him to work for $8 and hour.  Help….

   

ANSWER:

Your ADULT son is not going to listen to you. While hard to accept it is the reality. What may get him to listen is you not providing him a place to stay if he doesn’t land a job in 3 weeks of being in your home. There are jobs out there, he just has to be willing to take them. The more you and your husband attempt to provide for him now the more he thinks he doesn’t need an 8 dollar and hour job. Stop coddling him and let him walk on his own two feet. It sounds harsh right? Yet, it’s the thing this kid needs. Reason and logic have not worked and more reason and logic will not work. Concrete, clear action is what is going to snap your child into reality.

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