This is about something else…


   

QUESTION:

  I read your post about the thirteen year old granddaughter who lies and steals.  My question is what can you do if you have repeatedly used the “loss of privileges” approach, and the child still continues to lie/steal.  My sister is at her wits end with my nephew who has just turned thirteen.  She has taken away computer privileges, Wii, DS to no avail. My nephew was on a 3 month ban from his DS, because of poor grades, and was scheduled to get the DS back at the end of June.  He found where my sister had hidden the DS, played with it, forgot to put it back, and when he was caught, his explanation was that his friend wanted to use the DS.  My nephew is diagnosed with ADHD, but my sister does not believe that the ADHD is the cause of his lying/stealing.  She is worried and fearful that if he continues to make these bad decisions, he may get himself into something that may have serious consequences for his future.  Are there any books you can recommend?

   

ANSWER:
I don’t think this is ultimately about lying and stealing. There is something else going on in this family most likely that is not being addressed effectively. Instead of loss of privileges you could suggest incentives for good behavior. A book I would suggest is Boundaries with teens. It give clear ways to provide needed boundaries for teenagers and parents who struggle with the things that you describe. I would STRONGLY suggest family therapy. There is something going on that needs to be addressed.

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