Shacking up Vs. Covenant


  QUESTION: So yesterday i was on the phone with my mom talking to her, and i brought up how my fiance (who i’ve been living with for the past year) has been grumpy for the past few weeeks towards me. My mom suggested that we hold back the wedding another year. I didnt think this was right of her to say at all. I told her that no were not cause we want to start a family right away and we prefer to be married before any children happen. She still pressured me saying maybe we should cause it will be easyier on there pocket book (there paying for the wedding).  I didnt think it was her place to suggest that. She even said we chould wait on kids (we’ve been together for 6 years, by the time we get married we’ve been living together for 2 years. I’m 24 and he’s 29). I didnt think it was a bad thing to have disputes between couple and i though it was ok to be grumpy once and awhile.
I’ve talk ot him about his attidue and told him if he dosen’t tell me whats wrong i cant fix it. We’re good now after our talk, but what she said bugs me. I really dont want to push our wedding any further than what it is (13 months away!)
Do you think it was right of her to say that?

ANSWER:

 
Your mother can say what she wants, especially if you are expecting her to pay. You can either listen or not and keep on in your relationship. Living with your BF is not a great for the long-term prospect of your marriage. Studies point that people who live together are more like to divorce in the long run. So maybe your mom is worried about that and she wants you to be wary. If you haven’t done it yet, I would STRONGLY suggest pre-marital counseling.

———- FOLLOW-UP ———-

QUESTION:

My thought is that what the differce from marriage and living together? We treat each other like husband and wife, we refer to everything including our cars that there ours not each others. We dont buy thing over $100 with out talking to each other. We also bought a house together so i dont see the differenc in what marriage will be compaired to now. We’ve been together for 6 years now and we didnt move in till last year so we’ve been working ob our relationship for a long time compaired to alot of other people. He’s been grumpy but its nothing compaired to what we’ve already been through. I never expected her to pay infact she offered. So i though due to our past that waht she said was very inaproperate.

ANSWER:

 

  The difference between the two I suppose is a matter of views on commitments and covenants. It is always easier to break when there is no committment or covenant. One is less likely to work through difficult situations and more likely to simply give up. I would simply encourage you to not get upset because someone close to you shares an opinion. I would imagine your mom has shared opinions about other things as well, but you didn’t get upset. For the sake of the relationship I would encourage you to overlook this. I bet you have shared your opinion numerous times and people didn’t cut off relationships with you. I wonder if this is more about you knowing what you should be doing (getting married) but aren’t doing it and thus you are blaming your mom for the guilt you feel.

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