Hi, My son is 19 and studying engineering, staying in a hostel. He is very intelligent and did well in school. But he has got into a negative spiral of poor performance, missing classes and lying to me, since he got into college about 18 months back. He knows he must work hard to do well but is somehow not able to concentrate on his studies.He seems to get easily distracted by the ‘good things of life’ and neglects his studies so that his grades have been steadily falling. To me, he appears to waste time hanging around with the wrong kind of friends and on the computer, till late at night – though he has not told me so. Whatever the reason he ends up missing a lot of classes as a result. Worse, he lies to me once I confront him regarding his poor performance, GIVING ONE EXCUSE OR THE OTHER.I also think he has started smoking but he denies the same. I am very worried. How should I approach this problem to get my son out of this negative spiral?
Since he is an adult I would suggest you simply lay out the following. Either he starts doing well and stops lying or you stop paying for his school and he can’t live in the home anymore. There is no reason that you should be trying to talk him into doing well. He should be doing it on his own.