Time to make him pay…


  Question:

My 18 yr old son wants to go to college where his girlfriend is – which is very far away.  He has turned down paying football scholarships and says he is really interested in her school – not just because she goes there.  Even though he has gone on recruiting visits and has led us to believe that he wants to go somewhere besides, her school, he has been telling his friends all along that his plan was not to play football and go to her school.  I feel he has totally backed us into a corner to just say NO he can’t go there, or Yes he can – which I don’t want since he is unwilling to look at other options.  I am afraid he will live his life through her and not based on what he wants. I am afraid he will just live with her in her apartment and give up all that he loves to do and not be himself.  They have had a long distance relationship for 1 1/2 years since she graduated a year ahead of him.  I think she may be giving him an ultimatum that either he goes there or she will break up with him.  What advice can you give me?

   

Answer:
Since he is an adult there is not much you can do. I would suggest that you let him clearly know that you will not be paying for his tuition if he chooses to go to that college. Give him the list of colleges where you will be helping to pay tuition for and leave it at that. If he has the gumption to fill out paperwork and pay for his tuition to the girlfriends college, then maybe he will actually go and accomplish something. Don’t threaten anymore. Simply give him the information and let him decide. I understand you have a lot of emotion wrapped up in this, but the more you can keep emotion out of it, the more he will see how serious you are.

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