I have a long-term childhood friend who is emotionally unstable. Yet, he often doesn’t recognize it and puts whatever he feels about things on other people. He is very conditional and hurtful. This is only a part of him, he also can be very fun to be around. I often go back and forth over whether I should even continue to work on the friendship since he so often is hurful, yet the years of knowing him are there. any suggestions?
I would imagine that your friend has numerous other stressors in his life which extremely limit his ability to provide consistency in a relatonship. So instead of recogning that trait in himself, he puts it onto other people. It becomes the other persons issue and your friend can go along in life feeling good about themselves. You just have to decide, despite the difficulty, if this friendship is worth keeping with all that’s invovled. It is sad that your friend is so wrapped up in their own junk from the past that they are unwilling or unable or whatever to recognize thier own bad behavior. You could suggest individual therapy to help them determine what causes this behavior in thier life. Be ready though to be turned down because remember this friend doesn’t have the problem….you do.