Our 14-year-old son got in some trouble last fall. As a result, he was mandated to be in a sport. We got him into wrestling, and he has done really well. So well that the high school coach called him in and suggested he go out next year. The problem is, he already decided on the other high school in the district, which doesn’t have much of a sports program. We’d like him to stick with wrestling, as it’s a great workout, builds character, etc. He says he “hates” it. When questioned further, it’s clear that he’s anxious about it, and doesn’t think he’s good enough. Now we’re at an impasse. He’s done really well in this sport and we’d like to see him further develop his talent, make friends, stay out of trouble and accrue some of the other benefits that come from participating in a sport. He is hardening his stand against it…. and suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks!
You asked for my opinion and I gave it. What I suggested was that you find an alternative way to get him interested in the things that you are wanting from him. You don’t motivate a teenager for the things you want by forcing him to do something he hates EVEN IF you think he excels at it. Of course you provide consequences for teens, but you do it with things that are effective not with things like sports. The court you were involved with seems a bit misguided on how to get a teen motivated so you may have been misled on that. Given your return response to me also show some of the other issues related to your son. You sound pretty motivated on controlling him when in reality you only have the ability to influence him. He is fighting against your control it seems and you respond with more control. That doesn’t work generally.