|Question:I was lonely earlier in my relationship and cheated on my partner. He raped me thrice for it after finding out. It hurt especially because he was my partner and he knew I had been raped by acquaintances two years before. Two months ago, in a heated arguement he choked me with his hands and with a pair of my jeans. I filed an informal police report against him and subsequently an Apprehended Violence Order was filed as well. After the first court hearing, he persuaded me to remain with him and help him dismiss the Apprehended Violence Order in court.
We are now on a relationship hiatus after a fight that started on the issue of rape. I felt judged and misunderstood, and somtimes I feel used; we’ve been able to remain together through the court process but now that the Apprehended Violence Order is dismissed, I feel like he’s given up on me so I fear he used me only to his benefit.
I am re-evaluating the relationship, but I do think I still want to be with him. Please help me;
-How do I deal with the guilt and shame that I feel about what happened to me?
|Answer:You are asking the wrong questions. This is an abusive relationship that you should get out of. You were violated and he was able to twist you into thinking it was your fault somehow and so you stayed with him.
The fact that you want to be with someone who raped you should show you that there is something wrong in your thinking. Until you get your thinking right, there is NO way you can really have a healthy relationship with this guy. I would suggest you seek out a competent therapist to help you with yourself and help with the hurt you have experienced in your life. You need to get empowered to take charge and not continue on in this abusive controlling relationship.