what are your intentions…


  Question:

I am 27, my boyfriend is 28. We’ve been dating for 9 months & it’s going really,really well. I’ve been in a few long-term relationships, and although he’s been in a few that have lasted under a year, they have never been that serious.

We have the same sense of humour, love going out & hanging out together, and are, generally, really happy. He tells me I’m hot, intelligent, funny, and treats me with a lot of respect. He’s completely adorable with me. The issue is, that I told him a month ago that I was in love with him, and he just couldn’t say it back to me. Apparently, he’s never felt this way about anyone before and told me he could see himself falling in love with me. Clearly, I’m the more emotional one in the relationship, which caused a bit of friction in the past, but we’ve seemed to work past it.

My concern is that, although I definitely don’t want to rush things, at some point, in a couple of years, I would like a relationship where we’re in love and looking at moving in together. I don’t mind waiting for awhile for him to feel love for me, but I am somewhat concerned that, after a certain period of time, I am wasting my time. Basically, I am concerned that if this doesn’t happen by a certain point, it just means he’s emotionally unavailable to a certain extent and I should end it.

I should also say that I feel like this is his first adult relationship in that we’re completely comfortable with eachother and cook dinner together and have befriended each other’s friends. To him, this is all new, but I have been in a couple of long-term relationships & lived with a bf before. I really want this one to work because I’ve never felt like anyone I’ve dated has liked my personality/sense of humour, as opposed to just my looks, as much as him.

Basically, how long do I wait? I’m a little scared I could wait a few years with this adorable man only to realize that he’s not capable of love or with living with anyone.

  Answer:

So I think that you need to determine why you are dating. Is it for fun or for marriage. If this dating is for fun, then don’t worry about if he says he loves you or not. If you are dating because you want a long-term relationship then you need to sit with him and clearly explain what your intentions are. You don’t want to be in this relationship long-term and then have it broken up because the guy didn’t want to be serious. I also think you should NOT move in with one another. It is a mistake that has long-term consequences. Studies show that living together leads to a higher divorce rate.

2 thoughts on “what are your intentions…

  1. …hi, just happened to find you and like the topic of your post. I am responding primarily because what stands out to me of all that you have said is all the really cool things you two have been able to share EFFORTLESSLY…I mean, that’s big! Do you know how many people on this big blue ball of ours would kill for a fraction of what you seem to be experiencing???

    I guess what I would say to you is to take your mind out of the illusion of tomorrow and try to focus as much as you can on the beauty each day/moment brings you with him…and with life itself! That’s where the true magic of living and loving resides anyway, in my humble opinion. Live each day as though that’s all you’ve got. Give of your heart, be honest about what you feel, but pay attention to what you create that you possibly don’t want!

    None of us are promised anything in this thing we call life… I say that from having lost a number of people from my life…it has taught me to really work at cherishing what I have RIGHT NOW.

    I wish you much LOVE and LIGHT in this moment…and the next…and the next… and…

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