Question: Hello, I am writing to get an unbiased opinion. My fiancee’s sister in law has been a real problem ever since we met. First, about 4 months after I met my fiance, she coordinated her own baby showers. She had 2 showers one for family and one for co-workers/friends. I did not find out until weeks after I received the invitation that I was invited to the coworker/friend shower. I had been to a wedding of one of my fiancee’s cousin a few months before and knew many of the family members. I would have known no one but her at the coworker/friend shower. I sent a nice gift and declined the invitation. I let it go and continued to attend family functions. My fiancee and I got engaged a year later. After the engagement, on the same day, we went to visit our parents and a few family members. My fiance’s sister in law and his brother were upset because we did not go to visit them that day. First, it was later in the day and by the time we did visit a few family members it was 8 or so in the evening. We did arrange to get together with his brother and sister in law a few weeks later and an hour or so before my fiance picked me up, his brother called and said they forgot they were going to an apple festival and that we could not come over. My fiance’s mother was there visit her grandson. It turns out they lied because they were not happy with us because they felt that we should have come over right away to announce our engagement. My fiance’s mother knew that they had lied because she was there and overheard when they made the call. She told them they were wrong by doing that and my fiance’s sister in law threaten her by saying she would not see her grandchild again if she took our side. All in all, my fiance eventually had enough and took the blame He said it was his fault because he did not want the fighting back and forth or to see his mother so torn up. To this day, I do not have time for their behavior. I do not go to any family functions where they will be present nor are they invited to any of ours. My fiance’s sister in law was raised by parents who never told her she was wrong. Even when she said or id something wrong, they always said she was right. She has no compassion for hurting anyone’s feelings and cannot say she is wrong or sorry. Her husband has told my fiance that there are many things she is wrong about but he cannot even tell her she is wrong because then it causes problems in their marriage. She is a very controlling person. Her husband has to back her up even when she is not correct for fear that she will leave him. Any advice?
Answer: First recognize the you are WILLINGLY marrying into the family. So any complaints you have about it afterward are unreasonable. I would encourage you to not be surprised with anything this woman/family does. If you are constantly surprised and always are emotionally upset by the things that happen it will effect your marriage. If you associate, do it minimally. These people have let you know who they are. Deal with it accordingly.